So I suppose it's time for an update. Here it goes.

I'm moving to Phoenix in August. That's the biggest thing, I guess. I'll be moving in with Ez and his parents. Of course I decide to go during the hottest part of the year. It's a dry heat, right? I keep telling myself that. I'll be getting a job, maybe doing an internship at a recording studio, spending a ton of time with my best friend, and making music. Lots of music. If there is one thing that sucks about Boise, it is the lack of music. The most musical thing I've done here was play some Bach on my clarinet. I suck at the clarinet. Ez already has an excellent voice teacher picked out & we'll be playing a lot of music around the house. Yay!

So, if you haven't come to visit here in Boise, you're more than welcome to stop by Phoenix!

I don't really know what else is new. Oh, I got my acceptance to the Port Townsend Jazz Workshop & now I'm hoping to get some good news from the financial aid front.

Bits and pieces. . .

I got an mp3 player.

I really like Brazilian music and want to learn Portuguese.

Getting up at 6 every day for work sucks.

I like cookie dough ice cream, Papa Murphy's Gormet Vegetarian Pizza, and Kettle Chips Honey Dijon flavor. Not together mind you.

My mom and I watched "Everyone Says I Love You" last night. It's quite possibly the cutest movie ever. Thanks Woody!

I had some crazy dreams last night. In one, I was having an affair with a teacher at my school. We were found out & had to escape all crazy like. I even had a plot to blow up the school. It was straight out of an action movie. Sweet! Maybe that's why I slept so late. . .

I got a great letter from Kari yesterday (I'll write you back really soon. I promise!)

You Are a Beagle Puppy

Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky.And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

American Cities That Best Fit You::

85% New York City

80% Chicago

75% Philadelphia

60% Boston

60% Los Angeles

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

You Are Rocky Road Ice Cream

Unpredictable and wild, you know how to have fun.You're also a trendsetter who takes risks with new things.You know about the latest and greatest - and may have invented it! You are most compatible with vanilla ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

I am so tired. I could not fall asleep last night & ended up watching "American Scientific Frontiers" hosted by Alan Alda on salmon & blue fin tuna. I can now tell the difference between hatchery, farmed, and wild salmon just by looking at them. Quiz me. I'll know. Or dams. I now know more than I've ever wanted to know about dams. Let's just hope they have a salmon category on Jeopardy!. . .

Two Days Off!!

I don't get two days off. In a row that is. Currently I have Thursdays and Sundays free, but that's kind of a drag. This weekend I had two whole days. And what did I do with all that free time, you might ask. Absolutely nothing! That's not entirely true. I have put a ton of music on my new mp3 player (thanks ez), rolled down a huge sand dune & got sand EVERYWHERE, watched "Mighty Aphrodite," and decided for sure to move to Phoenix in August.

So that's the update. I'll write more later. I know I've been slacking, but I haven't been spending much time at the computer.

I hope everyone is doing well (especially you Theresa!!). Call me if you get a chance. Sometimes I'm bad about returning calls now that I'm a working girl, but I'd love to hear from you!

Love,
Heather

Guess who has been invited to audition for Jeopardy on Monday, June 26th at 11:30am in her hometown of Portland, Oregon???

That's right. . .this girl!!!

You Are Tofu

Okay, so you aren't exactly meat. And that's fine with you. Even if people think you're a bit bland.There's a good chance you're veg - and even if you aren't, you secretly think meat is gross.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofmeatareyouquiz/">What Kind of Meat Are You?

Thinking about moving to Phoenix. . .

If you're my mom, you probably shouldn't be reading this. I write this to my friends. It's just weird if you read it too.

Thanks

I am procrastinating. This site is being used for its original intent. . .keeping me from doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

I have to write up all of this financial aid stuff for Port Townsend. It's not even a whole lot; I just don't quite know what to write & I hate asking for things, let alone $1,000.

Oh yeah, I won't have a computer for a few days. My mom is finally taking it in to get it checked out. It's sooo slow right now. I will, however, continue to compulsively check my email from work.

Okay, enough with the time wasting. Ciao.

I'm becoming a cymbal snob. Tonight I got to use really nice 18" hand-hammered Sabien's. I never thought this would happen.

Born to be a musician. Here's proof. You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Well Duh!

You Should Be a Musician

You have a rare combinations of talents: an ear for music, nimble fingers, and the willpower to practice.You could master almost any instrument you choose to play (if you haven't already!)

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

In honor of the holiday soon approaching.

You are a Lemon Margarita

Sour, tangy, and overpowering, you tend to give people a jolt back into reality.While you don't sugar coat things, you're honest - which is actually quite refreshing.

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

You Belong in Milan

Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life - away from tourists!Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture... with very little hype.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Heather:1 Macy's: 0

Today I went to the mall. At first it was terrible because I was instantly reminded why I don't go to malls. I hate them. I really hate them. I only went because I had a "friends and family" card that saved me an extra 20%. After a discouraging start, I started finding some things that I liked. In the end, I spent about $100 and came away with:

~a gorgeous dress

~a skirt

~4 shirts

~2 pairs of sandals

I saved about $130 from the original prices. The dress for instance was regularly $48.00, but I got it for $19! I must admit; I'm pretty proud of myself. Damn, I'm a good shopper, especially for someone that hates shopping.

I guess that's about it. My sister & Rosie (good friend from back home) are coming to visit next weekend. Ez is coming from the 17th to the 20th to visit. I'll finally have friends in Boise!! Yay!

Back to work tomorrow. Blech!

everybody's doing it. . .

Your Lucky Underwear is Yellow

You're an extremely happy, laid back, fun soul. And your lucky yellow underwear can help you get even more out of life.In life, you rather play than work. You're apt to quit any task that doesn't nourish your creativity and inner child. Sometimes your drive for freedom hinders your quality of life. You find it impossible to do anything unpleasant.If you want to have responsibilities and still have fun, put on your yellow underpants. They'll help you make a party out of the most mundane tasks.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

I got my first sunburn of the season today. It wasn't even that hot, I'm just so fair skinned. Anyway, I love Thursdays 'cause they're my day off.

Well, no dinner solo tonight. My mom & Chris came back AND the neighbors. Grrrr. I really miss living alone.

I was just reading James' newest post & he wrote about how the trombone is his therapy. I completely understand what he is saying. Maybe that's why it's been so hard for me this past year; I haven't had my "therapy." Whenever I was down, I'd just pick up my horn & everything would just melt away. It's so hard not having that now. Anyway, I'm not trying to be all sad and stuff, but reading that just now made me feel like that.

It's pretty much decided that I'm getting a scooter. A cute one, mind you. I don't want some stupid I-want-to-be-a-motorcycle kind of scooter. I'd totally spring for a Vespa if I were made of cash. I'm excited to have an alternative to the bus. Once I have my scooter I will cut 2 hours off of my day! Yes! No more 12 hour days! I will be cute too, if not funny. I want a matching helmet, I'll wear large sunglasses, drink espresso out of tiny cups, and overuse the word ciao. Fun!

Some things other than my aforementioned scooter that I'm excited about:

~Piano lessons over the phone with Ez
~My sister coming to visit for mother's day
~Going to Port Townsend this summer
~Wearing jeans on my days off
~Teaching Breanna to make cheesecake
~My paycheck (on the 1st)
~The new coffee shop I found. It really feels more like Portland than anything else here.
~Having the house to myself
~Eating dinner alone tonight
~My fakebook project
~Alicia's thesis being published in a brain research journal (I have smart friends)!
~My scooter (whoops! it snuck in)
~Having next Thursday off
~Growing my hair out

Hope to talk to you guys soon.

Much love.

Well, I've officially registered for the Port Townsend Jazz Workshop & I've sent them 100 of my hard-earned dollars, so I guess I'm really going! When I get my audition cd from Ez then I can send that in too & just forget about it for a bit. I'm excited to go. And I'll be going as a singer. Weird. I wonder how many times I'll feel that I have to justify myself my telling them that I'm a trombone player. Maybe I'll forget that I'm a trombone player for a week.

I'm listening to the rough mix of Ez's newest record. It's really great. I finally got my computer to do what it needed to do so I could burn it onto a cd. I'll be listening on the bus. I really do love it Ez & not just 'cause the first track is "For Heather." : )

I think I messed up my wrist carrying my dresser into my bedroom. It's really bothering me. Good thing I go to the doctor tomorrow.

I'm thinking about taking a serious trombone break. I've tried to play a little bit recently and it just doesn't feel right; it's not fun. Maybe if I try to live without it for a while and come back to it when I really feel ready it will be better. Who knows.

Had a good long talk with Ez tonight. I've missed him.

Blah. Nothing exciting to add. It's Boise. Not exactly an exciting place.

miss you

Partying with Pancho Sanchez and his friends = fun

Partying with Shannon and his friends = not so fun

I guess I should move to LA. . .not really. I hate driving and sunburns.

I'm hanging out tonight with Shannon (a piano mover from work) and some of his friends. It should be a good time. They aren't coming by until 11 or so, so I think I'm going to take a nap. Getting up before 7 every morning sucks!

Ez and I decided that I am going to be his road manager for his next tour. Yes! I will be that bitch that knocks on your door until you get your ass out of bed! I've done it before and I'll do it again. The many years that I have spent as "band mom" are going to pay off.

I called Ben Dobay today. We didn't get to talk since he was about to go on for Colin's recital, but he said he'd call tomorrow. It's been far too long since we've talked. Yay Ben.

Javier (Pancho's sax player) called me today. I was working, so I didn't get to answer. He gave me his email address and told me that they were playing in Seattle later this month. He thought Seattle and Boise would only be a couple of hours away, but it's actually a long drive, so I won't be able to make it. I would have a great time partying with those guys again though. I'll see what I can do.

Well, enough babbling. I'm going to take a nap and then get into my hoochie dancer clothes! Just kidding. I don't think I own anything resembling club wear. Whatever.

Goodnight Y'all.

Love,
Heather

Best Night Ever!!!

I'm apologizing right now for any typos or grammatical errors since I am officially drunk! I had the most fun today!! I worked at the store and everything was like normal until late this afternoon when Pancho Sanchez and his tenor & trombone players came into the store. That's right folks! I sold Pancho Sanchez a cowbell!! And he used it in his show tonight! Anyway. . .I tried to help his tenor player (Javier) find a mouthpiece & I sold "The Pat Metheny Songbook" and some Bill Evans transcriptions to Francisco, his trombonist. I told the guys that I was coming to the show & they told me to come by and say hello.

I went to the concert and met up with some people I know from Portland. Thara Memory brought his band to compete in the Gene Harris Jazz Festival and boy did they clean up! The band won everything& every person in the band got a soloist award. I met up with my friend Stephanie at the concert and we danced the whole time. It was a blast!! Pancho's band sounded great!! Afterwards I met the guys backstage and we went out for drinks; Pancho even came out! Everybody was so nice & now I have their numbers if I ever go back to LA. Pancho even told me about a great doctor to check out if I can get down there.

Maybe I'll write more tomorrow when I'm less intoxicated. I'm super tired now. Hell, I've been up since 6:15 this morning.

Love,

Heather

Ouch!!!

I think I'm going to have to wait a bit for my Steinway D.

they're only $110,000

Maybe if I live in the giant cardboard box it comes in, I can just buy the piano and not a house. Hmmmm, I'll ponder that one. . .

I found some pictures of Ez's and my apartment in New York.

This is our room.

This is our Bosendorfer. It's big!!!

This is the view.

Happy Birthday Benny!

Love you.

It's nearly 2 in the morning and I've yet to get some shut eye. I'm going to have a tough time pulling myself out of bed at 6:00. Damn this time change!

A big thanks to Ez and Derek for cheering me up. Sometimes I need a little outside encouragement to keep me from getting too depressed. It's always harder when my arm's hurting. It's been bothering me more than usual for the past few days, and I'm not going to be able to get into the doctor until Thursday. I guess I'll just have to suck it up. I'm tired of sucking it up.

I saw a commercial for my music store tonight. It was funny. A few of the staff members were in it playing piano and stuff. I guess we're famous!

I had a dream this morning and it was set on a mountain where I was skiing. I've never been skiing before, but whatever. At some point I was hanging out in the lodge with some guy (I think it might have been Shane) and Roy Hargrove. It was Roy Hargrove from back in the day when he still had hair. Anyway, we were singing something and RH was super impressed and told me that he would pay for me to move to New York and start my career. He was going to pay my rent and work on my album and everything. Then I woke up. I guess I need to find RH and take him skiing. . .

I miss you EC people. Give me a call sometime if you're feeling up to it.

Thanks friends

I should be sleeping. I wish I was sleeping. Grrrr. I have to get up in 5 hours or so. I suppose not going to sleep makes work seem farther away. It's not like I dislike work, it's just that I'd rather be doing something else.

I miss my friends. Boise is nice and all, but I don't have anyone here but my mom.

Mark's blog really made me think about some things. Who am I kidding trying to be a performance major. I know I'm not aiming for a job in a symphony, but do I really have what it takes to have a career in music? I guess time will tell. If my arm doesn't heal up then that question is pretty much answered for me.

I was sad to hear about the guys getting their horns stolen. I had a euphonium stolen a couple of years ago. That's why I'm so paranoid about leaving things out. The euphonium was sitting in the hall for less than 5 minutes. You never know when an asshole might stroll through the music department looking for some quick cash. Don't be too trusting guys; it's not worth it.

Well, maybe I'll try to squeeze some sleeping in before dawn. I should get off this thing before I get too depressed. I'll pull out of it; I'm just feeling kinda down today.

Boy, am I tired! I started working full time this week at a great music store. I think I'll really like it there, especially when I learn my way around the computer programs and get better shoes. God, my feet are killing me! I'm not even wearing heels. Tomorrow I'm going to go shoping for shoes that can be comfortable all day.

Mostly I've been working in the sheet music department, helping people find things & ringing them up. On Thursday I got to work in the back unpacking and contracting 20 trombones and 60 trumpets. I did the same thing Friday with Snare drum / Mallet kits. It's pretty physical work, but I like just being back there doing my job, not having to wait for anybody. Maybe I can transition to work more behind the scenes, that way I don't have to dress up!

Last week Ez was here & it was so nice to have him around. My mom was out of town, so it was like we were playing house or something. Cute.

Oh, I caved and joined myspace. I had resisted for a long while, but actually I've been enjoying it. It's exactly what I needed. . .another way to waste time online. It's been fun finding old friends & getting in touch with people I don't know so well, but want to know better.

When Ez was here we did some recording for my Port Townsend audition. I've listened to a couple of the mp3s that he sent me & it's tough to listen to myself. I guess they sound alright, but I'm quite critical. I'd like to do some more recording & maybe put some tunes up on my myspace or make a demo. I don't know.

Well, I really miss you guys. I'm glad to be working & meeting new people, but they just can't replace my real friends. I hope you all are doing well.

Love,
Heather

I'm getting a massage. It's awesome.

Be jealous!


Ez says hi.

Where the hell am I living??

The following film is playing at local theatres with multiple showing times.

Quoted from this week's "Boise Weekly"

CHURCH BALL - An LDS Coach is tasked by his bishop to leading a losing team of basketball misfits to victory, despite 20 years of losses behind them. More feel good LDS comedy from Halestorm, the people who brought you Suits on the Loose and Mobsters and Mormons. (PG)

Ahhhhhh!!

Last night I played my trombone! I just played along with Rufus Wainwright on his DVD. And, no, I didn't play the Bolero part. I couldn't even play that well when I was practicing. Boy, did I sound. . .interesting.

Tromboning!!!

I got the job at the music store!! I actually was offered jobs at the hotel and the store, but the store is going to be a lot more fun! I don't start until Wednesday, because Ez is coming to visit tomorrow & I didn't want to be working while he was here if possible. Everyone there is so nice & they're excited to have me. I felt a little bad calling the Double Tree and telling them I couldn't take the job, but the lady was really nice. The Double Tree would have been fine, but it wouldn't be as exciting or teach me as much. I'm going to be trained in all of the departments at the store, so I'll get to learn a lot, and hopefully meet a lot of people. Plus, I won't be so poor anymore!

I had just about the best job interview anyone could ask for at just about the nicest music store anyone could hope for!!!

I feel really good about this one. I hope they call soon (they said 1 - 2 days) & let me know. If I was hired I would pretty much be working in all of the departments: band instrument rental, print music, repair stuff. . .

It's a really big store, the biggest one in these here parts. I was quite impressed with their history and what they carry. I really hope I get this one!

I have another interview at a hotel tomorrow afternoon & I hope I know about the music store before I go. I'd be surprised if they didn't hire me. They already said that they were impressed. Plus I looked really good I might add.

Well, I've got about another hour and forty-five minutes to kill downtown before I head on over to the chiropractor. I think I'll get some coffee and eat my apple. It will be great!

So far it's been a great day!

Yay!

Love,
Heather

I can never sleep. Damnit!

List 25 people you know in no particular order.

1. Alicia McIntire
2. Ez Weiss
3. Katie Sessler
4. Kari Sederstrom
5. Liz Soules
6. Josh Lee
7. Rachel Carter
8. Josh Becker
9. Colin Gilliland
10. Randy Pingrey
11. Ben Dobay
12. Dave Temple
13. Mark McGinnis
14. Benny Green
15. John Nastos
16. Derek Bondy
17. Michael Rodriguez
18. Alex Kuechler
19. Claire Tiller
20. Holly Samson
21. Shane Leonard
22. James Yardley
23. Casey Anderson
24. Ben Lester
25. Rosie Hansen

01. How did you meet 13? We probably met at the Joynt. Actually, I'm almost certain we met at the Joynt. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
02. What would you do if you never met 5? I would come back to EC and cry myself to sleep every night because something would be missing.
03. Have you ever liked 3? Not when we were kids! Plus, I'm not into incest.
04. What do you honestly think of 10? I ADORE Randy. He's one of my best friends and I miss him terribly. I'm happy that he'll still be around when I go back to school.
05. Would or did 19 and 8 go out? Oh wow. Funny! I'm pretty sure Rachel would be a wee bit unhappy about that.
06. If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? Thanks for being the bestest friend that a girl could ask for & keeping (at least trying to keep) me from doing stupid things.
07. Would 2 and 11 make a good couple? Uh, nope. Both of them like girls. They actually know each other though, and that's more than many of these people can say.
08. Describe 6 in 3 words: hilarious, caring, cozy
09. Do you think 12 is hot? I'll refrain from answering that. He's off the market. But yeah.
10. Would 1 and 17 ever go out? Oh my god, she'd kill him! I don't know if I could think of a more mismatched couple. Although, they both know a lot about biology.
11. What do you think of when you see 8? Anchorman. Just kidding. College. The trombone. Rage.
12. Tell me something humiliating about 11. Oh, the stories I could tell. They all involve alcohol and one in particular is set in the shit-hole of a town, Reno. There were wet sheets folks.
13. Do you know any of 7's family members? No, never met them. I hear they're lovely.
14. What's 20's favorite color? Yellow, I think.
15. On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14? Um, awkward. I think he's adorable. His picture is posted in an earlier post if you want to check him out. Oh, and his cats are cute!
16. What would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for you? Um, awkward.
17. What language does 19 speak? Mostly English I'd presume.
18. Who is 8 going out with? Oh, this is easy! Ms. Rachel Carter
19. Does 2 have any siblings? Nope.
20. Where does 7 live? Currently she resides in good ol' Eau Claire
21. Is 15 single? I do believe he is. Somebody should snatch him up. He's a great guy. If you're going to be in New York, let me know and I'll hook you up. Also, his parents are just about the sweetest.
22. What is 18's fantasy? Move to England with her soon-to-be husband and work in theatre.
23. What school does 3 go to? Mt. Hood Community College. Next year, the University of Oregon. Go Katie!
24. Would you ever date 9? Maybe. . .
25. Would you make out with 13? I don't ever see that happening. No offense, Mark.
26. How did you meet 5? at school probably
27. What grade is 17 in? 16th
28. When was the last time you talked to 12? It's been awhile.
29. What is 3's favorite band? Oh geez. . . she usually likes whatever I like. Copy cat!
30. What do you really think of 16? I think he's a great friend & I'm so happy that things are going well for him now.
31. Are 21 and 25 friends? Nope. They've never met. Maybe someday. . . One's in Eau Claire and one's in Portland. She's my old roomie!
32. What's 23's best quality? He's smart and easy going
33. What's 22's favorite thing to do? Play bass trombone. All. . .Day. . .Long!
34. Would you ever date 24? Of course!!! I told Ben that I am going to date him when I get back. Watch out Ben Lester!!

Yes!! Two, count 'em two, job interviews in two days!! One on Monday at a fancy-schmancy music store and Tuesday at the Double Tree! I wasn't even expecting a phone call from the music store; I thought the guy was calling to buy my trombone (which he still should). Apparently they will be looking for some help soon (part-time & full-time) and thought they'd see how I fit in. Yes!! Now to learn about instruments. . . I don't know much about equipment. I guess this is the perfect time to learn.

Sorry, Mark. You should probably move here to Boise. There are help wanted signs everywhere & you don't have to speak Spanish!



Come visit me!

I applied for jobs today. I think I have a great chance at one place. I also found a super nice music store that might be able to sell my trombone for me. Yay!

I signed up to get a Boise Library Card. I'm actually pretty excited about this. They have a lot of great music there.

Oh yeah, I also found my favortie hat and sweatshirt that had been missing since I moved to EC! They were at my dad's. I really could've used them when I was freezing my ass off in EC. Oh well, next year.

Also. . .I had a funny dream. It was at my old church, but everyone was drunk and line dancing. Weird. I wrote Alicia some pretty amazing haiku about it.

Hooray!

I tried to post these pictures last night, but my computer pooped out on me.

These pictures are from the wonderful clinic I went to at the Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival on Saturday, February 25th.

That's Benny in the chair, with Hank Jones!! on the piano, John Clayton on bass, Russell Malone (who looks fabulous by the way) on guitar, and Jeff Hamilton on drums

The one and only Mr. Jones! He's 88 and still sounds brilliant.

Benny with the master.

Russell and Jeff.

John Clayton, who is just about the niceset guy.

Well, that's it. I couldn't get the pictures to do what I wanted them to do, mostly 'cause I'm stupid at computers! If you ever want to hear a funny story about Russell, just ask. It involves lots of champagne, Harry Connick Jr., and farting contests!

Enjoy.

I'm really missing my friends. I'll have to meet some people here quick! It would be so easy for me just to settle into this house and become super depressed; I'm already on my way.

Good thing Ez is coming next week. We'll have my mom's car and the place to ourselves! Woo hoo!!! Maybe my arm will be strong enough to go bowling. I haven't tried for over a year and a half. It's due time I got back.

My mom put me in charge of planning dinner. I kind of like it. The vegetarian cookbooks are out and I'm on the prowl. It's nice not having to worry about buying food and eating. If we need food, we go to the grocery store and buy it! I always felt that I had to eat so cheaply when I was on my own.

I guess my mom found a counselor for me to check out. I don't know why I'm so hesitant. It's probably because I haven't had such good luck in the past and I'm already so far in debt from doctor bills. The chiropractor gave us a quote today and I honestly don't know how we're going to pay for it. Life is too damn expensive and at the rate I'm going, I'll never have any money in the bank. Oh well, I'm a musician, we're supposed to be poor, right?

I should try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I want to get a lot done. I really need to start practicing for my Port Townsend Jazz Workshop audition. I found out that a good friend (and excellent bassist) from back home is auditioning, so hopefully both of us make it & we can spend some time together. I'd love to have a friend there that isn't 16!

I hope everyone is feeling well. I miss you. All of you (well, maybe not you! ha!).

Love,
Heather

I should have my new phone by Friday!! Monday at the latest.

Everyone should probably email me their numbers so I can get in touch. Kay, bye

This sucks not having a phone! My mom has been out of town, so I haven't been able to use hers. Hopefully we'll get that taken care of this week.

So, Boise is boring. At least it's boring now. But Ez comes to visit on the 17th!!!

Since there's nothing to do. . .

FULL NAME: Heather Renee Sessler
DOB: December 4th
EYE COLOR: blue
HAIR COLOR: brown
AGE: pretty old for not accomplishing anything!
WHERE YOU WHERE BORN: Portland, Oregon
INNY/ OUTY, LEFTY/RIGHTY: innie; righty
SHORT/LONG HAIR: on the short side I guess, although my hair hasn't really been longer than this since I was a freshman in high school
SKIN COLOR: pasty
FAV. WAY OF DRESS: jeans and tank tops
MAKE-UP OR NONE: not a big fan; I wear very little
GRADE: technically 16th
MOM'S NAME: Renee
DAD'S NAME: Ken
BROTHERS/ SISTERS NAMES AND AGES: Katie, she's 20
FAV. COLOR: it used to be orange, but I think I'm leaning toward green right now
EVER CUSSED? Of course
SKIPPED SCHOOL? yes, but not so much in college
HIT SOMEONE FORCEFULLY? only once and you deserved in Matt Mooney. By the way, that was just last year. I didn't hit anyone until I was 21! Ha!
BEEN ON A SUBWAY? a lot, I'm even starting to know my way around!
CHEATED ON A TEST? yep, got caught too, but the teacher was so dumb she said that it was her fault!
SEEN "ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK" (THAT USED TO BE ON NICK)? yes, yes I have
TAUGHT A LITTLE KID A CUSS WORD? I don't think so
THROWN ANYTHING AT A MOVING CAR? I hope not
SMASHED SOMEONES HALLOWEEN PUMPKIN? just my own. I'm not a dick!
EGGED SOMEONES HOUSE? nope
ROLLED SOMEONES HOUSE? I'm assuming this means toilet papering. . .in that case, yes
GOTTEN A COMPUTER VIRUS? no
HOW DID YOU GET RID OF IT? uh, see above
BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT? no
LAUGHTED SO HARD YOU CRYED? often
HUGGED SOMEONE? I've hugged lots of someones
KISSED SOMEONE? uh huh
MISSED SOMEONE? all the time
FAILED A TEST? I don't think I've gotten lower than a C
FLUNKED A GRADE? no
MADE AN F ON YOUR REPORT CARD? not yet
BOUGHT SOMETHING YOU THOUGHT WAS REALLY UGLY B/C SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE OR LOOKED GOOD ON YOU? no, I hate shopping and I try to avoid it. Plus I have been quite poor these last few years. I think I have 70 cents right now!
LIED ABOUT WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SOMEONES HAIR-CUT OR NEW ITEM OF CLOTHING? probably
HIT AN ANIMAL IN THE ROAD? WHAT WAS IT? I don't drive!
FAVORITE/ LEAST FAVORITE CAR? I don't drive!!
WHO DO YOU SIT WITH AT LUNCH? nobody : (
DO YOU THINK JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS HOT OR NOT? eww
WHO GAVE YOU A VALENTINE CARD THIS YEAR? Ez!!
FAVORITE SHOES YOU OWN? probably the comfy shoes from Switzerland
WHAT INSTRUMENT DO YOU PLAY? OR WISH YOU DID? I play trombone among other things
ARE YOU THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO WHOULD SCREAM "NO, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU" IN A QUIET PLACE? uh, no
WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU DYE YOUR HAIR? I don't think I'll dye my hair again. It was crazy for a few years and it has been every shade of red.
WHAT SCENT BODY SPRAY DO YOU USE? I don't like smelly things. I do get told that I smell good though; it must be the bathing.
FAVORITE COOKIE? I like cookie dough best
DO YOU GET INTO MUSIC? HOW? that's pretty much all I do
DO YOU CUSS IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS? yes, but I never did as a child
DESCRIBE YOUR ROOM? It's not very "me" right now since I've just lived here for 2 weeks. Usually I have a lot of pictures of my friends up and music stuff strewn all over
WHAT DO YOU WEAR WHEN YOU "DRESS UP"? I rarely dress up, and if I do it's for a concert
FAVORITE GUYS COLOGNE? I don't think I'm a big cologne girl
WHO ARE YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS? Alicia, Ez, and Benny
HOW MANY POSTERS DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR WALL? WHAT ARE THEY OF? none
SOME INSIDE JOKES BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS? there are lots and they will show themselves when most appropriate
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU COULD HAVE THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS? I'd like a good right arm that will let me play trombone again
FAVORITE TV SHOWS? Jeopardy! I was supposed to be on the college tournament a year and a half ago, but because of crazy circumstances I couldn't get down to California.
HOW MANY PICTURES DO YOU HAVE POSTED IN YOUR ROOM? A few, but not nearly as many as in my apartment in EC
WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE? Just me, although a foreign guys once tried to tell me that I looked like Cameron Diaz. Yeah right!
WHAT SPORTS TEAM ARE YOU ON? sports! ha! I ran cross country my senior year, but I really sucked.
ABOUT WHAT TIME DO YOU GO TO BED ON SCHOOL NIGHTS? WEEKENDS? I'm nocturnal. What time is bar close??
WHAT CLASS DO YOU HAVE THE MOST HOT GIRLS/ GUYS IN? hooray for no school!
WHO ARE THE RUDEST PEOPLE YOU KNOW? telemarketers
RANDOM STUFF WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU STUB YOUR TOE? ouch!
DO YOU STILL GO TRICK OR TREATING? no
DO YOUR EYES CHANGE COLORS? they're just blue. sometimes they're really blue
DO YOU BELIVE WE LANDED ON THE MOON? yes
SPIT OUT A LYRIC FOR ME AND TELL ME WHO SINGS IT AND WHAT SONG IT IS? "When Charlie speaks of Lester, you know someone great has gone. . ." From Joni Mitchell's vocalese of "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat" from her album "Mingus." I'm singing it on my Port Townsend audition tape.
NAME SOMEONE WHO ANNOYS YOU THE MOST, WHY? there's this one sportscaster on the NBC station here that is pretty annoying
WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT IT? I change the channel
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET HOME? take off my shoes
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING NOW? pajamas
WHAT IS IN YOUR POCKET? I don't have any
WHAT TIME IS IT? 6:48
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE NEW? probably their smile
A NAME THAT PEOPLE CALL YOU THAT TICKS YOU OFF? There was a guy that called me "heartbreaker" for a couple of years while I was at Mt. Hood. I didn't like it. It's not like I meant to!
WHO HAS THE SAME B-DAY AS YOU? Ha! Wink Martindale! Also,. Cassandra Wilson and Tyra Banks
HAVE ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS/PEOPLE YOU KNOW HAD A BABY WHILE THEY WERE TEENAGES? I only knew one girl, but we weren't friends. Oh yeah, like lots of my cousins!
EVER DONE POT? nope.
HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW LIKE THIS? like what?
AROUND HOW MANY CD'S DO YOU OWN? a lot! I can't find some of them though. . .I hope those Fed-Ex bastards didn't swipe 'em
ABOUT HOW MANY PIECES OF CLOTHING DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR CLOSET THAT YOU ACTUALLY WEAR? all of them
WHAT SONG IS STUCK IN YOUR HEAD? nothing at the moment
DO YOU SMOKE? never
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU DRANK BEER/WINE/SHOTS/POPPERS WELL YOU GET THE IDEA? I've been quite sober since I moved. Oh yeah, we got margaritas at the Mexican restaurant Saturday night!
FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT ABOUT GUYS PUNK OR PREP? do whatever makes you happy
SPORTY OF COMPUTER DUDE? see above
HAIRY OR SMOOTH? uh
WHAT RELIGION? As long as you don't try to convert me, we're cool
HAIR COLOR? I've never really liked a blonde. I do for those darker types
TEETH COLOR? oh yeah, super yellow teeth are sexy! White.
EYES? two please
CAR OR TRUCK metro card
COLOR OR CAR/TRUCK? like I'd be that picky
SPORT HE'D PLAY? sports! I don't know people who play sports!
BOXERS OR BRIEFS? wear what you like
TAN OR FAIR? dont care
FRECKLES OR NONE? God! I don't think I've ever even thought about these things! Why aren't there questions about personalities or real likes and dislikes? Surveys are dumb!
FOR GUYS ABOUT GIRLSHAIR COLOR?
EYE COLOR?
THONG OR UNDIES?
PANTS OR DRESS?
SPORTY OR PREPPY?WHAT RELIGION?
MUSIC SHE'D LISTEN TO?
DIFFERENT FROM OTHER GIRLS OR THE SAME AS MOST OTHER GIRLS?
NAILS PAINTED OR NOT?
TAN OR FAIR?
FRECKLES OR NONE?

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO COMPLETE THIS? not long. I'm speedy

You Are New York

Cosmopolitan and sophisticated, you enjoy the newest in food, art, and culture.You also appreciate a good amount of grit - and very little shocks you.You're competitive, driven, and very likely to succeed. Famous people from New York: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tupac Shakur, Woody Allen

What American City Are You?

Surprise Surprise!

I'm stayed at a pretty nice hotel last night with my mom. At least it was a nice hotel compared to what I'm used to. I just got done eating breakfast down in the lobby & it was probably the best free hotel breakfast I've ever had. I tried to sit away from the television so I could look outside the huge picture windows. I come from such a beautiful place. The Pacific Northwest is one of the most beautiful places in the country. It seems like there is so much that still is unspoiled. Don't get me wrong, I love cities, hell, I plan on being in New York in a few years, but I'm glad I grew up amidst the trees.

My senior year of high school was pretty much a joke. Not musically, but everything else. My friend Hannah and I used to skip class and go play in the river. The river, folks. I'm glad I can tell the differences between ferns, I've seen salmon spawn, and have walked behind many a waterfall.

I guess just eating my bagel and staring at the mountainside dotted with trees made me think about how much I've enjoyed the landscape of my home. Thanks picture windows.

I lost my phone today. I feel naked. Goodbye world! : (

I had one of the best weekends in recent memory. It didn't start off so hot, since we had to get up early to make the 5 hour drive to Moscow, ID, but once we got there it was pure magic. The ride up wasn't even that bad. It gave my mom and I a lot of time to talk and time to listen to some great music.

We got to the University of Idaho campus and took some time to walk around and buy our tickets for the evening's concert. We had plenty of time to kill, so I called Benny to see if he was free. Luckily he was just relaxing in his room, so my mom and I were able to spend quite some time with him and had a wonderful visit. Each time I see him, I realize what a good person he is and how much he loves me. I am certain that we will be friends until the death. I think it was also good for my mom and Benny to talk. They never got to know each other so well when Benny and I were dating since we were always travelling. All-in-all our time together was exactly what I hoped for.

The concert that night was nothing short of spectacular. Nowhere but Idaho can you get 3 1/2 hours of amazing music for a mere $25. The house rhythm section was comprised of Benny, guitarist Russell Malone, bassist John Clayton, and drummer Jeff Hamilton. Guests would come in and play a tune or two with the guys. It was great to see James Moody play and sing. Even at 80 years old he is such an entertainer. His first tune was "Eternal Triangle" and they played it at like 1,000 bpm. Just kidding, but any guy that can play that many choruses and still have something to say is a legend. The second two-thirds of the concert were great too. Some of the highlights were: a beautiful ballad sung by Dee Daniels, accompanied by Benny, Hank Jones with the Dizzy Gillespie All-Star Band, a "scat off" between James Moody and Roberta Gambarini, Slide Hampton. . .

Probably the best parts of the festival were the two clinics we went to Saturday afternoon. The first was with the Jeff Hamilton Trio. Jeff, with Christof Luty on bass and Tamir Hendelman on piano. I was surprised with the lack of stupid questions. Usually some middle or high schooler asks something really dumb, but Saturday we lucked out! The guys played great and Jeff was a comedian. The next clinic was with Benny, Russell, John, Jeff, and Hank Jones!! The clinic couldn't have been any better unless it was longer. I'm never going to forget hearing Hank Jones play a stride version of "Ain't Misbehavin'" while I sat 15 feet away. It was so inspiring to hear a man at 88 still play with such technical facility as a young person with the musicality and brillance that only develops with time. Benny sat behind Mr. Jones when he played and took in every note. It was like watching a kid in a candy store, his eyes wide with awe and amazement.

Besides a wonderful musical experiencce, I think I took something deeper away from the festival. Ez and I were talking the other night about age and "success." He was saying that the longer you stick with something, the better you'll get and even the youngin's won't be able to catch you. It seems like a simple concept, but I, like a lot of people, want immediate success. It was beautiful to see men on stage that had been playing their instruments for at least 35 years. Hank Jones has been playing piano for 75 years! Of course I can't compare myself with them. I haven't done ANYTHING for 35 years, not even breathe. I need to cut myself some slack while still pushing forward. I'm not looking to be some kind of pop star where age is a big deal. As Benny says "Be good to the music and the music will be good to you." I'm trying to be good.

On an entirely different topic. . .I'm going back to the chiropractor tomorrow. He ran a ton of tests last Thursday and we will be going over the results. Already he has taken more time to figure out what's wrong with me. He's really into mind, body, and spiritual health, which I like. Since traditional (and even some non-traditional) doctors haven't helped much, I know there's something deeper happening than just tendonitis or thorasis outlet syndrome. I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in a long while. I will get well. Mind, body, and soul.

I feel good being in Boise. Just not being in school has taken so much pressure off of me. I feel lighter and capable of actually taking care of myself. I am lucky to have a mother who is willing to change how she's been living to help me. She has taken me in with open arms and an open heart. I am grateful for this opportunity to heal and get my life on track. Good things will happen. I will have a happy life. I'm now on the path.

My boxes came today! It's like I'm actually moved in now. Yay!!

I've got my first chiropractor appointment tomorrow. My mom thinks very highly of him, so hopefully he checks out and can help me. I guess tomorrow is just an evaluation appointment; I won't actually be adjusted. My mom is sure he'll think I'm really screwed up, and he'd be right! Well, wish me luck.

I just ate some really good nachos. I'm gonna have to watch out or I'll gain 50 lbs. living here! It's strange living in a place where I don't have to worry about buying food or turning on the heat. Not being in college is nice! Now hopefully I can get a good job, so that someday I can have a place of my own where I too can eat and be warm.

I bought two disposable cameras in EC and I finally got them developed today. I was excited to see them. They're on facebook now.

Nothing too exciting to report. It is awful warm here though. Today is was about 40 degrees and it's supossed to reach the mid-40s later this week! I do not miss the weather in Wisconsin that's for sure!

Well, I'm going to try to go to bed. I'd hate to become nocturnal again, just to have to get up in the mornings for work.

Oh yeah, I get to go see Benny play at the Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival on Friday! He's also giving a clinic with Hank Jones, Russell Malone, Jeff Hamilton, and John Clayton! I'm in for a treat. My mom is too. She loves watching Benny play.

Okay, goodnight.

Love,
Heather

Well, I made it. . .barely. I really wouldn't have made it to Boise without Ben Dobay. Wow, what a great friend. I was in the early stages of a panic attack when Ben called me on Saturday and told me he was on the way over. He helped my sorry ass for close to 3 hours, just packing sorting, cleaning, etc. The apartment is still a mess, but Ben decided that my last hour in EC should be fun, so what did we do? We got margaritas!! Mine was strawberry. It was delicious. Holly met us at El Patio to take me to the shuttle station, which we barely made it to on time. Holly started to cry, which in turn made me start to cry. God, I'm going to miss everyone.

I made it to the airport, found out my flight was delayed, ate a cinnabon (I totally deserved it), and nearly passed out. My body was sooooo mad at me. Moving is hard work. Since my plane was delayed, I was super worried about making my connection. I had to run off the plane and jump onto one of those cart things. I was flying through the airport with the wind in my hair. I totally felt important. So, I was stressed out, but when I got to the gate they told me that my connecting flight was delayed too. At least I had some time to calm down. All-in-all it wasn't so bad. My mom picked me up from the airport and we came home. It is nice to be home. It's nice to have a bedroom with carpeting. I'm so excited to have a bathtub, refrigerator with ice in the door, the luxury of turning the heat on (even though it's fricken warm here), our very own washer and dryer, the list goes on and on. I know I've made the right choice coming here. I'm going (and already do) to miss everyone terribly. This is the first time I've lived in a place where I know no one. Once I settle in and get a job I'm sure I'll make friends; it's not too hard for me to do.

Well, I'm going to go dry my hair. That's right, it's wet 'cause I took a bath!! No more crappy shower for me!

Please drop me a line sometime. I want to know what is going on with ya'll. Okay, take care.

Love,
Heather

my internet stopped working this afternoon. i guess that's what i get for stealing it from the neighbors.

i got a lot of packing done today. the apartment isn't quite where i'd want it to be at this point, but i've got all night. ben lester is coming over in the morning to help me take some boxes to fedex; that'll help a bunch.

storage unit places suck! they are either too expensive or they don't return phone calls. i'm trying to get a small 5'x5' unit and there are only 2 places in town that have them. i'd feel a lot better about things if i had that whole situation worked out. maybe ben and i can go physically assault the people in the office so i can start moving my crap in there.

i'm looking forward to tonight. i hope people come out. ostrander even said he'd stop by! it would be great if mark and dave could come; thursday club just isn't the same for me when they're not there.

i've pretty much run out of things to say. i'm just wasting time before i have to go back outside. i've decided that walking in snow is like walking in sand, but slippery. i'm not a fan.

okay, i'm out.

Moving day is closing in. I've been getting pretty stressed, but it will all work out. . .somehow. Today I was standing in the hall talking to Ben when Mr. Baca came out of the bandroom. He said he was just going to call me to see if I needed any help. Well anyway, Mr. Baca took me out to lunch, we picked up some much needed boxes, and then we got ice cream cones. It was nice to spend some time with him and now I feel a whole lot better about the box situation.

I went on one of the best dates I've ever had last night. I was a little nervous to go since I didn't know Shane so well, we were going to Mona Lisa's, and it was Valentine's Day. He picked me up then we went to the restaurant. We got drinks at the bar (I had a yummy lemony thing) and then went to our table where we ate A LOT! Appetizers, entree, & dessert - the whole shebang. The food was incredible and we had so much to talk about. The waitress had to come back like three times before we were ready to order 'cause we were talking so much that we forgot to look at the menu. Shane was really sweet throughout the night. He even held my coat open so I could put it on. It was so nice to go on a "real date" too. I love just hanging out with my guy friends, but it felt special to actually get picked up, have dinner, then come back home. I couldn't really have asked for a better Valentine's Day! Oh yeah, he also said I looked "absolutely beautiful."

We're supposed to get a big snowstorm tonight. I hope it's not too bad since I have to go to the Joynt tomorrow. It will however help me get things done here at the apartment. Tomorrow is dedicated to laundry and packing. Hopefully nearly everything will be done by tomorrow evening.

I hope everyone that is reading this is doing well. To you EC guys: thank you so much for these past few months. I've really cherished my time with you while I've been here and I'm looking forward to seeing you all again. Please stay in touch!! If you're around tomorrow, please come by the Joynt and say hello/goodbye.

Have a great night everybody!

Much love,
Heather

I had the most wonderful evening!

I'm going to Mona Lisa's tonight with Shane Leonard. Happy Valentine's Day to me!

I'm drunk!!
I just got home from Perkin's with Ben, Claire, Holly, Sean Carey, Adam Braatz, Shane Leonard, and two guys I didn't know - Jared and Alex. It was fun. I'm tired. Happy Valentine's Day!

I feel like I'm going to vomit.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I'm bored. What?

You are a Double Espresso

Hey Energizer Bunny Girl! Do you ever slow down?You're a mix of high energy and ambition, perfectly matched with strong espressoWhen you want something you get it - by any means possibleYou're driven, determined, and no nonsense. Which is just how you like your java.

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next doorYou're the perfect girl for most guysPretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.

What Famous Pinup Are You?

You Will Be an Unconventional Bride!

You're probably the type of girl who never considered getting married - until you met *him*You're not a big fan of white dresses, church weddings, or cheesy DJ'sThat's okay - you'll do it your way... whether that means a Vegas wedding or guys as bridesmenWhile you may not toss the bouquet (or have anyone to toss it to), it will still be the most romantic day of your life!

What Kind of Bride Will You Be?

Well duh! After working 7 at a wedding place, what did you expect? I'd rather eat meat than wear white. Actually, the more appropriate question would be "Do you even want to get married?"

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I knew it!! This 22 year-old thing wasn't really working out anyway.

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depthThose who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rareYou are totally enchanting and intriguing But you usually don't stick around long! You are best known for: your beauty Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are a Glazed Donut

Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that.You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness.Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone dig you.And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten.

What Donut Are You?

To tell you the truth, I don't like donuts, however, one of my favorite NYC things is Dunkin' Donuts 'cause they have good coffee and bagels. Ooooooh, coffee.

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Okay, I'm done. I think I've sufficiently wasted enough time.

I just got back to my apartment. There was a party at the house tonight. I'm glad I went, but now I'm feeling sad. I'm not going to get into it. I think I'm going to go to bed now; I'm pretty sleepy. Hopefully I'll wake up early too. 'Night y'all.

Life. Feelings.

A- Age of your first kiss: 15. if you don't count spin the bottle
B- Band you are listening to right now: The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds. i'm going through a phase
C- Crush: wouldn't you like to know?!
D- Dad's name: Ken
E- Easiest person to talk to: Alicia and probably my mom
F- Favorite ice cream: it depends on my mood. i can't think of an ice cream that i don't like!
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?: worms. definitely worms
H- Hometown: portland, oregon
I- Instruments: trombone, piano, viola. . .
J- Junior high: good ol' reynolds middle school
K- Kids: oh dear god, i hope not
L- Longest car ride ever: probably portland to las vegas. it's really not that long
M- Mom's name: renee. the same as my middle name
N- Nicknames: meather, heartbreaker. . . oh, josh likes to call me heffer, but not in a bad way
O- One wish: happiness
P- Phobia[s]: i don't really get scared
Q- Quote: i'll get back to you on this. i never remember quotes, or jokes for that matter
R- Reason to smile: i'm not in school right now!!!
S- Song you sang last: wouldn't it be nice
T- Time you woke up today: hehe about 2 something this afternoon. that's really not that bad considering it was after 7 am before i fell asleep
U- Unknown fact about me: oh geez, i don't know
V- Vegetable[s] you hate: i'm glad i like lots of veggies since i'm a vegetarian. i do dislike canned green beans and i'm not a dill pickle fan
W- Worst habit: biting my fingernails and not picking up after myself
X- X-rays you've had: mostly just arm stuff i think
Y - Years since you've been to church?: lots, if you don't count gigs
Z- Zodiac sign: Saggitarius

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-- And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
- Langston Hughes


What actually happens to our dreams? Recently I found a book I made when I was 10 or so. I dreamt of becomming an actress and a singer, living in the country with lots of pets, and having a daughter with curly hair. What happened to those dreams? To tell you the truth, I'd still love to sing, but living in the country and having children are out. Throughout my life I have wanted so many things for myself, but will they really come true? We are told as children that we can be whatever we want to be. Ask any 2nd grade class and it will be full of the realistic: nurses, teachers, firemen, and the like, and the more improbable: presidents, astronauts, and movie stars. What sets most of us apart from the actual presidents and astronauts. It's obviously not intelligence; our current president has proved that.

Are we taught to reach for unattainable dreams? Does this set us up for disappointment later in life or are most people really happy working desk jobs, raising kids, and driving mini vans? Sometimes I wish that's what I wanted. My sister has always wanted to have a family and be a mother. Her dream seems a lot more probable than mine. I've had my sights on New York since I first visited in 8th grade. I want to live there, play in Maria Schneider's band, lead a band, make records. . . Will those dreams come true? I hope so. I guess I just have to figure out how to make those dreams reality. How did Keith O'Quinn, Rock Ciccarone, Larry Farrell, and George Flynn get their jobs? What can I do to get there too? I think I'll ask them.

What dreams do you have? Do you really think they're going to come true, or are you willing to make a lot of compromises? I'm curious to know what is important to other people. Is it family, careers, or places to live? I'm not surprised that I've raised more questions than I've answered. Hopefully this next year will help me shed some light on this. Maybe I'll come up will some answers, but it's more likely that I'll just have more questions.

Something happy!!

So my boss gave me her old laptop last fall and it worked for a few weeks and then shit the bed. It hasn't worked since October, but I decided to plug it in and to my surprise. . .it works!!! I'm currently laying on my uncomfortable futon, stealing the neighbor's wireless internet, and procrastinating! My things will never get packed. Oh well.

Also, I'm looking forward to this weekend. Maybe I'll clean up my apartment tonight, at least take out the recycling and the garbage.

Thanks Kari.

It's been five days now since my "mini breakdown," but I still can't seem to pull myself out of this one. Last Wednesday I was alone in my apartment and decided to take a look at a book that my mom gave to me over the break. It's a rape recovery book. I thought I'd be okay, so I just read the table of contents and then I read the introduction. By the time I got to the second page, I was a mess. I called my mom and just sobbed. I'm so frustrated that something that happened to me a year and a half ago still has such an effect on me. Since Wednesday I've basically stayed in my apartment, except for James' birthday dinner. I've gotten really good at pretending everything is okay, but I'm sick of that. I'm not okay. I can't wait to be in Boise where I won't be alone and I'll be taken care of. One of the hardest things about being here, is that I feel alone. I know I have friends, but there isn't anyone here that I have broken down in front of before. The time away will be good for me.

So now I'm trying to decide if I just go home and sit in my apartment alone again, or if I actually go out tonight. I guess I'll see how I'm feeling in a few hours. I don't want to go to the Stone's Throw and pretend to smile if I don't feel like it.

Okay, enough of my pity party. I'll pull myself together at some point. I so hope that my time away from school will help me heal and truly be a happy person; I don't know what that's like. I've been depressed for so many years, that I might just be a completely different person when I come out from under this dark cloud. To be honest, that scares me a little.

Well, I'm done. I think I'm going to go eat some soup and have some coffee. That will at least make me feel better for the time being.

The assignment is to find and post an image from the first Google Image page for each of the following 7 queries:
1. The name of the town where you were born:

2. The name of the town where you live now:

3. your name:
4. your grandmothers name:
5. Your favourite food: Ha! Just kidding! I haven't had cow for years (5 to be more accurate).

6. Your favourite drink:
7. Your favourite smell: Huh? And no, I did not enter "little boy!"

I'm sitting in my new home. . .The Eau Claire Public Library. It's a bummer that I don't have internet service in my apartment, but at least it gets me out. To tell you the truth, I kinda like the library. I've always liked libraries, even when I was a little girl. Whenever I'm in Portland I always have to go to the HUGE central library downtown. I've been to Boise's library too and I'm sure it will suffice. I haven't been to the New York Public Library yet, but I'm sure it'll happen soon.

Speaking of New York; I really wish I was there. Ez keeps inviting me to move in with him and it's becoming increasingly difficult to decline (you're wearing me down!). I think it will be good for me to spend some time in Boise to recuperate, but I wouldn't be too surprised if I moved to New York before coming back to Eau Claire.

I've also been thinking a lot about school, more importantly, how I hate it. I lost my appreciation for education right after they took recess away. I know that it is practically impossible to get a good job without a degree, and I've learned from my mom's example that school is a lot tougher when you're 45, so I don't want to go that route. I guess I don't need to make any life changing decisions now, but I have a tendency to dwell on what the future might bring.

I just finished a biography on the author Anais Nin. Wow, what a life. I hadn't heard of her before (I hope that doesn't make me ignorant), but when I saw multiple books on her and her diaries, I became interested. Also, over 515 pages in 2 days isn't too shabby. She got me thinking about really journaling. From the time Anais was 11 she wrote obsessively in her diary. By the end of her lifetime (she died January 14, 1976) she had accumulated over 65 volumes. Now, I know I could never write that much, nor do I aspire too, but there's something about having my life recorded that I like. I know that this lovely blog would not be the appropriate place for said diary, but it's a start. Anyway, it's something to think about.

I think I'm going to take off soon and head on over to the Acoustic to do some more reading. I've becomed obsessed I tell you. I have Johnny Cash's autobiography and a bio on Hank Williams. I think I'll start with Hank Williams. And since I actually own both of these, I don't have to worry about turning them in before I move.

Oh moving. I hate it. I'm completely stressed out. I think what I am struggling with the most is that I have to ask for help. I hate asking for help. I'll need help taking my boxes to FedEx, taking the stuff I'm leaving here to the storage unit, I'll need a place to stay for a couple of days when all of my stuff is in the storage unit. . . Oh well, when I'm ready to go, I'll ask. It's about time that I realize that I'm not superhuman and I'll never be.

Wow, this is probably my longest blog ever, especially since I wasn't sure I would write today. I hope everybody is feeling well. I'm in town until February 18th, so let me know what's up. I want to make sure I see everyone before I leave.

By the way, has anyone ever run spell check on blogger and noticed that "blog" isn't in the dictionary? That seems a bit ironic or something.

Love you,
Heather

I have bangs now. I'm still trying to get used to them.

For some reason Monday evening I felt an urge to cut my hair. I used to get this urge bi-weekly or so in high school and therefore my hair was quite short. I even called my sister with scissors in hand asking her voice mail if I should do it. When I answered her returning call I was greeted with "do it!" "I already did!" I replied.

So far, so good I think. Reactions seem to be favorable. Whatever, it's just hair anyway.

I got my earrings fixed yesterday! Woo hoo! Two of my captive balls (he he) and one threaded ball had fallen out and Kyle down at Penetrations hooked me up. It was sweet. Now my piercings are less likely to catch on clothing, various body parts. . .

I woke up at 8:15 this morning. Weird. I'm at the public library. Weird. I think I'm going to go get some coffee now. Yes!

Hi Ez! Congrats on the apartment. I'm really happy for you!!

Love,
Heather

Oh, Thursday Club, how I will miss thee. . .

It was nice to be back at the Joynt last night, drinking to excess and coming home smelling of an ash tray.

I'm back!!! I'm so happy to be back in Eau Claire, even if it's just for a couple of weeks. I got back in Saturday night after a crazy day of flying. I ended up hanging out in the Portland airport for 5 hours since my flight got cancelled. It was actually kind of funny. We were all on the plane ready to go when a guy announced that "the plane is broke." No, not broken, broke! We all laughed then had to get off the plane. I waited in line for 2 hours before they got me on a direct flight to Minneapolis that actually got me in 2 minutes before my other flight would have. All-in-all it wasn't so bad.

I had a great time last night. I went down to the Stone's Throw and there was a pretty good turnout. It was so nice to see so many of my friends in one place. Holly, Claire, and I shook it on the dance floor and had a great time. Afterwards, Holly, Claire, Tom, Ben, and I went to Perkins. Ahhh, Perkins. They don't have those in Oregon. Holly and I had a sleepover too. It was wonderful catching up with her.

I always think that nearly all of my friends are guys, but I've realized that I had some really special girls in my life. I'm pretty lucky to have such great people as friends.

Well, I'm super excited for Thursday Club this week! I've been missing the Joynt and my buddies. I can't wait to see you all!!

Love,
Heather

I forgot to mention that I heard some sweet jazz tuba at the conference. Yes folks, it can be done! The guy was in the Tronheim Jazz Orchestra from Norway and they were amazing. He was no Ray Draper : ), but he did kick some ass!

I made it back! Yesterday was a really long day. I was super tired and had to get up to get to the airport. I was totally stressing about getting to the airport on time, which in turn was stressing Ez out, so he decided to get me a taxi. The taxi was $75! I tried to stop him, but he insisted. He is so good to me.

Tuesday night I hung out with Benny. It was so nice. We didn't really do a whole lot. We talked, played with the cats, and watched "Jackie Brown" mostly. I'm always a little nervous when I see him, but everything went so well that I think we'll be cool from now on. The visit was also nice because it was the first time that I didn't want to be with him. Even when I saw him about 10 months ago I was still holding on to the hope that we could get back together. Not this time! I'm finally over Benny Green! Yay! I do care for him deeply and I will always love him as a friend, but only as a friend. Now I looking forward to seeing him again at the end of February. Oh, by the way. . .I'm still his mom's favorite!

Today was great too. I had lunch with my old trombone teacher. He's basically my dad, so it was wonderful to see him again. After lunch I went back to Mt. Hood and stopped into the music department. It was weird not knowing a lot of the people. I was just there last Spring, but there seems like there is a lot of newbies. It was fun surprising everyone; no one knew I was coming.

I spent this afternoon with my friend Margo. I've known Margo since 1st grade I think, and we were close friends through middle school and high school. We haven't been great about keeping in touch the past couple of years, so it was great to find out what she'd been up to and what is going on in her life. I think we'll do better about staying in touch now.

Well, I'm back at my dad's and I think this place makes me an insomniac. It's almost 4 in the morning here and I'm still up. I should really try to sleep so I'm not a bitch tomorrow.

Just two days before I'm back in Eau Claire. Yipee!

So, Ez's computer likes to decide when I will be on the internet. It doesn't seem to like me very much. Whoops. Anyway, the conference is over and I can finally get some sleep. The trip into the city from Flushing really took its toll on me. It was worth it since I got to hear a lot of great music. Saturday night Chick Corea played with Eddie Gomez and Jack DeJohnette. It was amazing! After 3 shitty tunes by the North Texas One O'Clock band, Chick then played with the Trondheim Jazz Orchestra from Norway. They were really great too.

Tonight is Ez's 27th birthday party thing. We're leaving in an hour or so to head on down to the village to get some beers. It should be fun. I just hope I don't have to get up too early to meet my cousin in Manhattan. We're going to hang out until I meet up with Benny.

Well, I guess there's nothing too exciting. I did play TMBG's "Older" for Ez today and that was funny.

I'll be back in EC soon. I'm so looking forward to seeing everyone.

Take care

Wow. This conference has been CRAZY! I've seen some great music and seen some amazing people, but I'm not going to be too upset when this whole thing is over. It's tough staying all the way out in Flushing too. It takes between an hour and a half to get here, so a lot of time is spent traveling.

Tomorrow I plan to do nothing. Ez has Netflix, so we're just going to sit around and watch some Mr. Show. It will be a nice change of pace.

Benny and I are going to get dinner on Tuesday. I'm really looking forward to that. We haven't seen each other since March and then we had a bit of a fight. I'm pretty sure everything will be relaxed this trip. We've spoken on the phone and everything seems cool. I've actually really missed him. He has meant so much to me. I don't know if it's just the whole first love thing or what.

Anyway, Maria Schneider just signed my CD. It even seemed like she remembered me. I wanted to ask her if she got the Christmas Card, but I didn't.

Well, I should go. I'm using a public computer thingy and someone is probably pissed that I'm taking so long.

I can't wait to be back in Eau Claire, even if it's just for a couple of weeks. I've been having cheap beer withdrawals!

I hope everybody is doing well. I love you guys!

I'm sitting in the Queens College music library right now. It's pretty nice. Ez has dial-up internet so it takes a Nam and a half for anything to load, so I don't think I'll be on the computer that much this week. My trip into New York went fine albeit long. I had to fly into Long Island and then take a train into Manhattan where Ez met me. We then had some dinner then rode all the way back to Flushing. Whew! What a trip.

Everything has been nice so far. I feel more at home in New York now than I did in Portland. Today we're going into the city for the first day of the IAJE conference. Nothing is really happening until the concerts tonight. I get to see Maria Schneider tonight!!!! Her band doesn't go on until 12:30 am, but I'm super excited. I dream of one day playing in her band. Hopefully I'll get to meet her too. We've emailed a fair amount, so maybe she'll remember me.

Okay, Ez is wanting to leave, so I should go. Maybe I'll get a chance to update while I'm here, if not, when I get back to P-town. I hope everyone is doing well.

I miss you and love you all!

Heather

I've been lying in my bed for the past two hours trying to sleep with no avail. I know I have to get up in 4 hours, but my body isn't listening to me; I'm gonna pay tomorrow. I suppose I can't sleep 'cause I have too much stuff on my mind. It ranges from finding a storage unit in Eau Claire, to my grandma's health, to how sweet the electric blanket on the bed is. I became a little disturbed when I began thinking about this blog and my stupid little profile. I realized that I didn't mention my trombone. One year ago I probably couldn't speak a sentence without spouting off something about my horn, but now I don't even think about it that much. That's not to say that I haven't spent plenty of trombone choir rehearsals in tears or that I don't want to play anymore, it's just that the trombone isn't so much a part of my life anymore. It's actually pretty scary. If I hadn't hurt my arm, this break would have been filled with long tones, orchestral excerpts, and Aebersolds, but instead I've just been sitting on my ass depressed.

I wonder if I'll really be able to play again like I used to. I wonder if I need to find something else to do with my life and if I could be happy doing anything else. I guess, just like with everything else, time will tell. Will I come back to Eau Claire with my trombone on my back ready to take the place over, or will I have turned into someone else? I don't know.

Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep now before the 12 hours of traveling ahead of me. Wish me luck.

I just got back from a walk. I had to get some cash out for New York and then I had to take some books and cds back to the library. I went to the St. Johns library close to my grandparent's house and it brought back a lot of memories from my childhood. My mom used to take my sister and I there at least once every couple of weeks when we lived out here. When I was about 4 years old I went to the library with our neighbors/best friends while my mom was cleaning my grandparent's house. My friend Celia and I went outside to twirl on the railings. Somehow I managed to flip around, fall, and smash my face into the brick wall below. My nose swelled up so big! The current size of my nose is attributed to that accident 18 years ago; I don't ever think it got back down to normal. Anyway, I just remembered that and it made me happy!

Oh, I forgot something exciting. Yesterday when shopping, Alicia, her mom, and I all found the same bra at the big Victoria's Secret sale, different sizes mind you. I must say that this bra is fabulous! Alicia and I thought about taking a picture in our new blue bras for facebook, but then decided against it. It's probably better that way. I guess all I'm saying is that it's great. And yes, Dave. I AM wearing a bra!

Finally at my grandma's! I think I'm going to be a lot more comfortable here, even though it's just for 2 nights. My dad and I had a talk yesterday, which was nice, but nothing really got resolved. I've just decided that any future trips home will be just for a few days, or I'll move around a bunch.

Anyway. . .I had a nice day with Alicia and her family yesterday. While we were shopping her dad called and asked to talk to me. He told me that I could stay with them any time I wanted and for as long as I needed. He said I was welcome in their home anytime. It felt great to hear that. The McIntires are a great family.

My grandma and grandpa's place is cool. My grandpa listens to cool old music, they have cable internet, and there is always something good to eat. Plus they're pretty close to a library, so I think I'll head over there sometime tomorrow.

Nothing too exciting I guess. The drama has subsided for the time being (thank god). I'm looking forward to going to New York and seeing the Jazz I guys there. It will be nice to see Ez too; we always have fun together.

I suppose I'll write later.

I woke up before 6 this morning. Six!! The only time I am up at six is when I haven't been to bed yet. Oh well, I had to get up kinda early anyway. Today I am going shopping with Alicia and her mom and grandma. It should be really nice. I feel more like a part of their family than I do mine right now. My sister has been great lately. I stayed with her last night and I'll probably stay with her when I get back from New York.

My grandma called me last night at nine (which is past her bedtime) and told me that I was going to stay with her the next couple of days. She said my grandpa would even take me to the airport early Monday morning. My mom said my grandma has been frustrated for quite a while with how my dad has been treating my sister and I. My grandma is pretty much the coolest person I know.

So I pretty much got kicked out last night. My dad already told me that I was too loud at night (by-the-way, I've never tried harder to be silent) and last night he came downstairs to get me to shut up. I was on the phone with Alicia, but I was keeping it down. He started getting on me about not respecting that he and Tammy had to get up so early and anyway it turned into a big crying fest. I was upset and told him that I haven't felt welcome or wanted here since I got home. All I was looking for was a place to stay for the couple of weeks that I am in town. He was crying 'cause he felt really bad and was blaming everything that has gone wrong in our family's lives on him (which is not true). Alicia ended up coming over and rescuing me. I stayed the night over at her house and now I'm in the process of packing up my shit to go over to my sister's apartment.

This winter break has sucked. Now I don't know if I'll ever come back for Christmas. I'm sure I could handle it for a couple of days, but it's obvious that I wear out my welcome really fast.

I stayed up until 10 or so this morning. I've got to get my body back on a normal person schedule. I like being nocturnal, but it's starting to cause some problems. Apparently my stepmom can't sleep with me around. My dad had to talk to me about it. I asked my sister if I could stay with her and she said I could, so maybe I'll crash there tomorrow. Ever since I got here I haven't felt wanted. It's like I've been a big hassle to have around. Gee thanks, I've been away since August and I'm just looking for a place to crash for a couple of weeks. What's the big deal?

I'm going to try to start looking up the next couple of weeks. I've been pretty down and my dad has really started to notice. Everything will be great in New York. If I can just hold on 'til then. . .

Yep, still up.

It looks like it's going to be another late night. I can't ever fall asleep and there isn't anything to do. Plus I have to be quiet since my stepmom is a light sleeper. Maybe I'll see if I can stay over at my sister's place tomorrow.

I'm listening to Nat King Cole. He's totally underrated as a pianist. I like him best when he's playing with his trio, but on this CD he is singing in a variety of settings. It's inspired me to do some big band arranging so maybe I can sing with the band next year. I was supposed to sing at the Salute concert this October, but my trip to New York got in the way. Oh well. Maybe when I'm gone I'll practice a lot and get really good.

My mom may have found me a full-time job in Boise. I would be a cashier at some rock place. And by rock I mean stone, gravel, etc. It wouldn't be glamorous, but hey it pays.

I'm probably going to be selling some of my shit before I move. If anyone needs a futon let me know.

Well, I'm going to try to find some other silent activity to help me waste the hours.

I just cut a nam and a half off of my sister's hair. It was harrible!! Some chick going to cosmotology school decided to fuck up Katie's head and then it was my duty, as the loving older sister, to fix it. I must say. . .I am amazing! You're welcome Katie.

Miss you all.

Love,
h

Watched 40-Year Old Virgin again today. It was funny, but not as funny as the first time. The version I saw was the unrated version, so I saw a lot more boobies than before. Yay boobies!

I got up at the crack of dawn (after falling asleep at 4:30 or so) to have breakfast with my boss and some friends. Breakfast was great. We always clear out the room when we're all together 'cause we're so loud. I laugh so much with those guys.

After breakfast I went over to Alicia's house. We are an exciting bunch! We did two 300 piece puzzles, watched 2 hours of plastic surgeries gone awry, then the movie. I just like being over at her house. Her parents are great and they love having me there. It's a lot more comfortable being over there than here at my dad's house.

Well, I think I'm going to go make a cup of coffee. Normally I make a whole pot and drink it all myself, but since it's getting late I'll refrain.

I hope everybody is doing well. I miss you all.

Yesterday I went to one of my favorite places. . .the big Central Library downtown. I know that is totally nerdy, but I've come to accept my nerdiness. I got some scores and music that I can play on the piano here at my dad's. It's so nice to have a decent piano around. We got the piano when I was 5 so I could start piano lessons. It just feels like home when I play it.

I also got a few CDs. I haven't listened to a lot of them yet because I've been playing one nonstop. It's a CD by the Brazilian singer Rosa Passos. All but one song is in Portuguese, so I don't know what she's saying, but it is beautiful. I'm definitely going to check out more of her stuff when I get the money.

When I was leaving the library I ran into some younger friends of mine from high school. It was fun to see them, they seemed very excited to see me. They gave me a ride back and we stopped at our band teacher's house. He is one of my favorite people, so it was nice to see him.

I should head downstairs and see my parents. My dad just came up a bit ago to see if I was alright. Apparently I'm a cause for concern.

Everything is okay I guess. Happy New Year everybody.

Love,
Heather