I had one of the best weekends in recent memory. It didn't start off so hot, since we had to get up early to make the 5 hour drive to Moscow, ID, but once we got there it was pure magic. The ride up wasn't even that bad. It gave my mom and I a lot of time to talk and time to listen to some great music.

We got to the University of Idaho campus and took some time to walk around and buy our tickets for the evening's concert. We had plenty of time to kill, so I called Benny to see if he was free. Luckily he was just relaxing in his room, so my mom and I were able to spend quite some time with him and had a wonderful visit. Each time I see him, I realize what a good person he is and how much he loves me. I am certain that we will be friends until the death. I think it was also good for my mom and Benny to talk. They never got to know each other so well when Benny and I were dating since we were always travelling. All-in-all our time together was exactly what I hoped for.

The concert that night was nothing short of spectacular. Nowhere but Idaho can you get 3 1/2 hours of amazing music for a mere $25. The house rhythm section was comprised of Benny, guitarist Russell Malone, bassist John Clayton, and drummer Jeff Hamilton. Guests would come in and play a tune or two with the guys. It was great to see James Moody play and sing. Even at 80 years old he is such an entertainer. His first tune was "Eternal Triangle" and they played it at like 1,000 bpm. Just kidding, but any guy that can play that many choruses and still have something to say is a legend. The second two-thirds of the concert were great too. Some of the highlights were: a beautiful ballad sung by Dee Daniels, accompanied by Benny, Hank Jones with the Dizzy Gillespie All-Star Band, a "scat off" between James Moody and Roberta Gambarini, Slide Hampton. . .

Probably the best parts of the festival were the two clinics we went to Saturday afternoon. The first was with the Jeff Hamilton Trio. Jeff, with Christof Luty on bass and Tamir Hendelman on piano. I was surprised with the lack of stupid questions. Usually some middle or high schooler asks something really dumb, but Saturday we lucked out! The guys played great and Jeff was a comedian. The next clinic was with Benny, Russell, John, Jeff, and Hank Jones!! The clinic couldn't have been any better unless it was longer. I'm never going to forget hearing Hank Jones play a stride version of "Ain't Misbehavin'" while I sat 15 feet away. It was so inspiring to hear a man at 88 still play with such technical facility as a young person with the musicality and brillance that only develops with time. Benny sat behind Mr. Jones when he played and took in every note. It was like watching a kid in a candy store, his eyes wide with awe and amazement.

Besides a wonderful musical experiencce, I think I took something deeper away from the festival. Ez and I were talking the other night about age and "success." He was saying that the longer you stick with something, the better you'll get and even the youngin's won't be able to catch you. It seems like a simple concept, but I, like a lot of people, want immediate success. It was beautiful to see men on stage that had been playing their instruments for at least 35 years. Hank Jones has been playing piano for 75 years! Of course I can't compare myself with them. I haven't done ANYTHING for 35 years, not even breathe. I need to cut myself some slack while still pushing forward. I'm not looking to be some kind of pop star where age is a big deal. As Benny says "Be good to the music and the music will be good to you." I'm trying to be good.

On an entirely different topic. . .I'm going back to the chiropractor tomorrow. He ran a ton of tests last Thursday and we will be going over the results. Already he has taken more time to figure out what's wrong with me. He's really into mind, body, and spiritual health, which I like. Since traditional (and even some non-traditional) doctors haven't helped much, I know there's something deeper happening than just tendonitis or thorasis outlet syndrome. I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in a long while. I will get well. Mind, body, and soul.

I feel good being in Boise. Just not being in school has taken so much pressure off of me. I feel lighter and capable of actually taking care of myself. I am lucky to have a mother who is willing to change how she's been living to help me. She has taken me in with open arms and an open heart. I am grateful for this opportunity to heal and get my life on track. Good things will happen. I will have a happy life. I'm now on the path.

My boxes came today! It's like I'm actually moved in now. Yay!!

I've got my first chiropractor appointment tomorrow. My mom thinks very highly of him, so hopefully he checks out and can help me. I guess tomorrow is just an evaluation appointment; I won't actually be adjusted. My mom is sure he'll think I'm really screwed up, and he'd be right! Well, wish me luck.

I just ate some really good nachos. I'm gonna have to watch out or I'll gain 50 lbs. living here! It's strange living in a place where I don't have to worry about buying food or turning on the heat. Not being in college is nice! Now hopefully I can get a good job, so that someday I can have a place of my own where I too can eat and be warm.

I bought two disposable cameras in EC and I finally got them developed today. I was excited to see them. They're on facebook now.

Nothing too exciting to report. It is awful warm here though. Today is was about 40 degrees and it's supossed to reach the mid-40s later this week! I do not miss the weather in Wisconsin that's for sure!

Well, I'm going to try to go to bed. I'd hate to become nocturnal again, just to have to get up in the mornings for work.

Oh yeah, I get to go see Benny play at the Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival on Friday! He's also giving a clinic with Hank Jones, Russell Malone, Jeff Hamilton, and John Clayton! I'm in for a treat. My mom is too. She loves watching Benny play.

Okay, goodnight.

Love,
Heather

Well, I made it. . .barely. I really wouldn't have made it to Boise without Ben Dobay. Wow, what a great friend. I was in the early stages of a panic attack when Ben called me on Saturday and told me he was on the way over. He helped my sorry ass for close to 3 hours, just packing sorting, cleaning, etc. The apartment is still a mess, but Ben decided that my last hour in EC should be fun, so what did we do? We got margaritas!! Mine was strawberry. It was delicious. Holly met us at El Patio to take me to the shuttle station, which we barely made it to on time. Holly started to cry, which in turn made me start to cry. God, I'm going to miss everyone.

I made it to the airport, found out my flight was delayed, ate a cinnabon (I totally deserved it), and nearly passed out. My body was sooooo mad at me. Moving is hard work. Since my plane was delayed, I was super worried about making my connection. I had to run off the plane and jump onto one of those cart things. I was flying through the airport with the wind in my hair. I totally felt important. So, I was stressed out, but when I got to the gate they told me that my connecting flight was delayed too. At least I had some time to calm down. All-in-all it wasn't so bad. My mom picked me up from the airport and we came home. It is nice to be home. It's nice to have a bedroom with carpeting. I'm so excited to have a bathtub, refrigerator with ice in the door, the luxury of turning the heat on (even though it's fricken warm here), our very own washer and dryer, the list goes on and on. I know I've made the right choice coming here. I'm going (and already do) to miss everyone terribly. This is the first time I've lived in a place where I know no one. Once I settle in and get a job I'm sure I'll make friends; it's not too hard for me to do.

Well, I'm going to go dry my hair. That's right, it's wet 'cause I took a bath!! No more crappy shower for me!

Please drop me a line sometime. I want to know what is going on with ya'll. Okay, take care.

Love,
Heather

my internet stopped working this afternoon. i guess that's what i get for stealing it from the neighbors.

i got a lot of packing done today. the apartment isn't quite where i'd want it to be at this point, but i've got all night. ben lester is coming over in the morning to help me take some boxes to fedex; that'll help a bunch.

storage unit places suck! they are either too expensive or they don't return phone calls. i'm trying to get a small 5'x5' unit and there are only 2 places in town that have them. i'd feel a lot better about things if i had that whole situation worked out. maybe ben and i can go physically assault the people in the office so i can start moving my crap in there.

i'm looking forward to tonight. i hope people come out. ostrander even said he'd stop by! it would be great if mark and dave could come; thursday club just isn't the same for me when they're not there.

i've pretty much run out of things to say. i'm just wasting time before i have to go back outside. i've decided that walking in snow is like walking in sand, but slippery. i'm not a fan.

okay, i'm out.

Moving day is closing in. I've been getting pretty stressed, but it will all work out. . .somehow. Today I was standing in the hall talking to Ben when Mr. Baca came out of the bandroom. He said he was just going to call me to see if I needed any help. Well anyway, Mr. Baca took me out to lunch, we picked up some much needed boxes, and then we got ice cream cones. It was nice to spend some time with him and now I feel a whole lot better about the box situation.

I went on one of the best dates I've ever had last night. I was a little nervous to go since I didn't know Shane so well, we were going to Mona Lisa's, and it was Valentine's Day. He picked me up then we went to the restaurant. We got drinks at the bar (I had a yummy lemony thing) and then went to our table where we ate A LOT! Appetizers, entree, & dessert - the whole shebang. The food was incredible and we had so much to talk about. The waitress had to come back like three times before we were ready to order 'cause we were talking so much that we forgot to look at the menu. Shane was really sweet throughout the night. He even held my coat open so I could put it on. It was so nice to go on a "real date" too. I love just hanging out with my guy friends, but it felt special to actually get picked up, have dinner, then come back home. I couldn't really have asked for a better Valentine's Day! Oh yeah, he also said I looked "absolutely beautiful."

We're supposed to get a big snowstorm tonight. I hope it's not too bad since I have to go to the Joynt tomorrow. It will however help me get things done here at the apartment. Tomorrow is dedicated to laundry and packing. Hopefully nearly everything will be done by tomorrow evening.

I hope everyone that is reading this is doing well. To you EC guys: thank you so much for these past few months. I've really cherished my time with you while I've been here and I'm looking forward to seeing you all again. Please stay in touch!! If you're around tomorrow, please come by the Joynt and say hello/goodbye.

Have a great night everybody!

Much love,
Heather

I had the most wonderful evening!

I'm going to Mona Lisa's tonight with Shane Leonard. Happy Valentine's Day to me!

I'm drunk!!
I just got home from Perkin's with Ben, Claire, Holly, Sean Carey, Adam Braatz, Shane Leonard, and two guys I didn't know - Jared and Alex. It was fun. I'm tired. Happy Valentine's Day!

I feel like I'm going to vomit.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I'm bored. What?

You are a Double Espresso

Hey Energizer Bunny Girl! Do you ever slow down?You're a mix of high energy and ambition, perfectly matched with strong espressoWhen you want something you get it - by any means possibleYou're driven, determined, and no nonsense. Which is just how you like your java.

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next doorYou're the perfect girl for most guysPretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.

What Famous Pinup Are You?

You Will Be an Unconventional Bride!

You're probably the type of girl who never considered getting married - until you met *him*You're not a big fan of white dresses, church weddings, or cheesy DJ'sThat's okay - you'll do it your way... whether that means a Vegas wedding or guys as bridesmenWhile you may not toss the bouquet (or have anyone to toss it to), it will still be the most romantic day of your life!

What Kind of Bride Will You Be?

Well duh! After working 7 at a wedding place, what did you expect? I'd rather eat meat than wear white. Actually, the more appropriate question would be "Do you even want to get married?"

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I knew it!! This 22 year-old thing wasn't really working out anyway.

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depthThose who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rareYou are totally enchanting and intriguing But you usually don't stick around long! You are best known for: your beauty Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are a Glazed Donut

Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that.You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness.Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone dig you.And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten.

What Donut Are You?

To tell you the truth, I don't like donuts, however, one of my favorite NYC things is Dunkin' Donuts 'cause they have good coffee and bagels. Ooooooh, coffee.

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Okay, I'm done. I think I've sufficiently wasted enough time.

I just got back to my apartment. There was a party at the house tonight. I'm glad I went, but now I'm feeling sad. I'm not going to get into it. I think I'm going to go to bed now; I'm pretty sleepy. Hopefully I'll wake up early too. 'Night y'all.

Life. Feelings.

A- Age of your first kiss: 15. if you don't count spin the bottle
B- Band you are listening to right now: The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds. i'm going through a phase
C- Crush: wouldn't you like to know?!
D- Dad's name: Ken
E- Easiest person to talk to: Alicia and probably my mom
F- Favorite ice cream: it depends on my mood. i can't think of an ice cream that i don't like!
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?: worms. definitely worms
H- Hometown: portland, oregon
I- Instruments: trombone, piano, viola. . .
J- Junior high: good ol' reynolds middle school
K- Kids: oh dear god, i hope not
L- Longest car ride ever: probably portland to las vegas. it's really not that long
M- Mom's name: renee. the same as my middle name
N- Nicknames: meather, heartbreaker. . . oh, josh likes to call me heffer, but not in a bad way
O- One wish: happiness
P- Phobia[s]: i don't really get scared
Q- Quote: i'll get back to you on this. i never remember quotes, or jokes for that matter
R- Reason to smile: i'm not in school right now!!!
S- Song you sang last: wouldn't it be nice
T- Time you woke up today: hehe about 2 something this afternoon. that's really not that bad considering it was after 7 am before i fell asleep
U- Unknown fact about me: oh geez, i don't know
V- Vegetable[s] you hate: i'm glad i like lots of veggies since i'm a vegetarian. i do dislike canned green beans and i'm not a dill pickle fan
W- Worst habit: biting my fingernails and not picking up after myself
X- X-rays you've had: mostly just arm stuff i think
Y - Years since you've been to church?: lots, if you don't count gigs
Z- Zodiac sign: Saggitarius

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-- And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
- Langston Hughes


What actually happens to our dreams? Recently I found a book I made when I was 10 or so. I dreamt of becomming an actress and a singer, living in the country with lots of pets, and having a daughter with curly hair. What happened to those dreams? To tell you the truth, I'd still love to sing, but living in the country and having children are out. Throughout my life I have wanted so many things for myself, but will they really come true? We are told as children that we can be whatever we want to be. Ask any 2nd grade class and it will be full of the realistic: nurses, teachers, firemen, and the like, and the more improbable: presidents, astronauts, and movie stars. What sets most of us apart from the actual presidents and astronauts. It's obviously not intelligence; our current president has proved that.

Are we taught to reach for unattainable dreams? Does this set us up for disappointment later in life or are most people really happy working desk jobs, raising kids, and driving mini vans? Sometimes I wish that's what I wanted. My sister has always wanted to have a family and be a mother. Her dream seems a lot more probable than mine. I've had my sights on New York since I first visited in 8th grade. I want to live there, play in Maria Schneider's band, lead a band, make records. . . Will those dreams come true? I hope so. I guess I just have to figure out how to make those dreams reality. How did Keith O'Quinn, Rock Ciccarone, Larry Farrell, and George Flynn get their jobs? What can I do to get there too? I think I'll ask them.

What dreams do you have? Do you really think they're going to come true, or are you willing to make a lot of compromises? I'm curious to know what is important to other people. Is it family, careers, or places to live? I'm not surprised that I've raised more questions than I've answered. Hopefully this next year will help me shed some light on this. Maybe I'll come up will some answers, but it's more likely that I'll just have more questions.

Something happy!!

So my boss gave me her old laptop last fall and it worked for a few weeks and then shit the bed. It hasn't worked since October, but I decided to plug it in and to my surprise. . .it works!!! I'm currently laying on my uncomfortable futon, stealing the neighbor's wireless internet, and procrastinating! My things will never get packed. Oh well.

Also, I'm looking forward to this weekend. Maybe I'll clean up my apartment tonight, at least take out the recycling and the garbage.

Thanks Kari.

It's been five days now since my "mini breakdown," but I still can't seem to pull myself out of this one. Last Wednesday I was alone in my apartment and decided to take a look at a book that my mom gave to me over the break. It's a rape recovery book. I thought I'd be okay, so I just read the table of contents and then I read the introduction. By the time I got to the second page, I was a mess. I called my mom and just sobbed. I'm so frustrated that something that happened to me a year and a half ago still has such an effect on me. Since Wednesday I've basically stayed in my apartment, except for James' birthday dinner. I've gotten really good at pretending everything is okay, but I'm sick of that. I'm not okay. I can't wait to be in Boise where I won't be alone and I'll be taken care of. One of the hardest things about being here, is that I feel alone. I know I have friends, but there isn't anyone here that I have broken down in front of before. The time away will be good for me.

So now I'm trying to decide if I just go home and sit in my apartment alone again, or if I actually go out tonight. I guess I'll see how I'm feeling in a few hours. I don't want to go to the Stone's Throw and pretend to smile if I don't feel like it.

Okay, enough of my pity party. I'll pull myself together at some point. I so hope that my time away from school will help me heal and truly be a happy person; I don't know what that's like. I've been depressed for so many years, that I might just be a completely different person when I come out from under this dark cloud. To be honest, that scares me a little.

Well, I'm done. I think I'm going to go eat some soup and have some coffee. That will at least make me feel better for the time being.

The assignment is to find and post an image from the first Google Image page for each of the following 7 queries:
1. The name of the town where you were born:

2. The name of the town where you live now:

3. your name:
4. your grandmothers name:
5. Your favourite food: Ha! Just kidding! I haven't had cow for years (5 to be more accurate).

6. Your favourite drink:
7. Your favourite smell: Huh? And no, I did not enter "little boy!"