I'm sitting in my new home. . .The Eau Claire Public Library. It's a bummer that I don't have internet service in my apartment, but at least it gets me out. To tell you the truth, I kinda like the library. I've always liked libraries, even when I was a little girl. Whenever I'm in Portland I always have to go to the HUGE central library downtown. I've been to Boise's library too and I'm sure it will suffice. I haven't been to the New York Public Library yet, but I'm sure it'll happen soon.

Speaking of New York; I really wish I was there. Ez keeps inviting me to move in with him and it's becoming increasingly difficult to decline (you're wearing me down!). I think it will be good for me to spend some time in Boise to recuperate, but I wouldn't be too surprised if I moved to New York before coming back to Eau Claire.

I've also been thinking a lot about school, more importantly, how I hate it. I lost my appreciation for education right after they took recess away. I know that it is practically impossible to get a good job without a degree, and I've learned from my mom's example that school is a lot tougher when you're 45, so I don't want to go that route. I guess I don't need to make any life changing decisions now, but I have a tendency to dwell on what the future might bring.

I just finished a biography on the author Anais Nin. Wow, what a life. I hadn't heard of her before (I hope that doesn't make me ignorant), but when I saw multiple books on her and her diaries, I became interested. Also, over 515 pages in 2 days isn't too shabby. She got me thinking about really journaling. From the time Anais was 11 she wrote obsessively in her diary. By the end of her lifetime (she died January 14, 1976) she had accumulated over 65 volumes. Now, I know I could never write that much, nor do I aspire too, but there's something about having my life recorded that I like. I know that this lovely blog would not be the appropriate place for said diary, but it's a start. Anyway, it's something to think about.

I think I'm going to take off soon and head on over to the Acoustic to do some more reading. I've becomed obsessed I tell you. I have Johnny Cash's autobiography and a bio on Hank Williams. I think I'll start with Hank Williams. And since I actually own both of these, I don't have to worry about turning them in before I move.

Oh moving. I hate it. I'm completely stressed out. I think what I am struggling with the most is that I have to ask for help. I hate asking for help. I'll need help taking my boxes to FedEx, taking the stuff I'm leaving here to the storage unit, I'll need a place to stay for a couple of days when all of my stuff is in the storage unit. . . Oh well, when I'm ready to go, I'll ask. It's about time that I realize that I'm not superhuman and I'll never be.

Wow, this is probably my longest blog ever, especially since I wasn't sure I would write today. I hope everybody is feeling well. I'm in town until February 18th, so let me know what's up. I want to make sure I see everyone before I leave.

By the way, has anyone ever run spell check on blogger and noticed that "blog" isn't in the dictionary? That seems a bit ironic or something.

Love you,
Heather

I have bangs now. I'm still trying to get used to them.

For some reason Monday evening I felt an urge to cut my hair. I used to get this urge bi-weekly or so in high school and therefore my hair was quite short. I even called my sister with scissors in hand asking her voice mail if I should do it. When I answered her returning call I was greeted with "do it!" "I already did!" I replied.

So far, so good I think. Reactions seem to be favorable. Whatever, it's just hair anyway.

I got my earrings fixed yesterday! Woo hoo! Two of my captive balls (he he) and one threaded ball had fallen out and Kyle down at Penetrations hooked me up. It was sweet. Now my piercings are less likely to catch on clothing, various body parts. . .

I woke up at 8:15 this morning. Weird. I'm at the public library. Weird. I think I'm going to go get some coffee now. Yes!

Hi Ez! Congrats on the apartment. I'm really happy for you!!

Love,
Heather

Oh, Thursday Club, how I will miss thee. . .

It was nice to be back at the Joynt last night, drinking to excess and coming home smelling of an ash tray.

I'm back!!! I'm so happy to be back in Eau Claire, even if it's just for a couple of weeks. I got back in Saturday night after a crazy day of flying. I ended up hanging out in the Portland airport for 5 hours since my flight got cancelled. It was actually kind of funny. We were all on the plane ready to go when a guy announced that "the plane is broke." No, not broken, broke! We all laughed then had to get off the plane. I waited in line for 2 hours before they got me on a direct flight to Minneapolis that actually got me in 2 minutes before my other flight would have. All-in-all it wasn't so bad.

I had a great time last night. I went down to the Stone's Throw and there was a pretty good turnout. It was so nice to see so many of my friends in one place. Holly, Claire, and I shook it on the dance floor and had a great time. Afterwards, Holly, Claire, Tom, Ben, and I went to Perkins. Ahhh, Perkins. They don't have those in Oregon. Holly and I had a sleepover too. It was wonderful catching up with her.

I always think that nearly all of my friends are guys, but I've realized that I had some really special girls in my life. I'm pretty lucky to have such great people as friends.

Well, I'm super excited for Thursday Club this week! I've been missing the Joynt and my buddies. I can't wait to see you all!!

Love,
Heather

I forgot to mention that I heard some sweet jazz tuba at the conference. Yes folks, it can be done! The guy was in the Tronheim Jazz Orchestra from Norway and they were amazing. He was no Ray Draper : ), but he did kick some ass!

I made it back! Yesterday was a really long day. I was super tired and had to get up to get to the airport. I was totally stressing about getting to the airport on time, which in turn was stressing Ez out, so he decided to get me a taxi. The taxi was $75! I tried to stop him, but he insisted. He is so good to me.

Tuesday night I hung out with Benny. It was so nice. We didn't really do a whole lot. We talked, played with the cats, and watched "Jackie Brown" mostly. I'm always a little nervous when I see him, but everything went so well that I think we'll be cool from now on. The visit was also nice because it was the first time that I didn't want to be with him. Even when I saw him about 10 months ago I was still holding on to the hope that we could get back together. Not this time! I'm finally over Benny Green! Yay! I do care for him deeply and I will always love him as a friend, but only as a friend. Now I looking forward to seeing him again at the end of February. Oh, by the way. . .I'm still his mom's favorite!

Today was great too. I had lunch with my old trombone teacher. He's basically my dad, so it was wonderful to see him again. After lunch I went back to Mt. Hood and stopped into the music department. It was weird not knowing a lot of the people. I was just there last Spring, but there seems like there is a lot of newbies. It was fun surprising everyone; no one knew I was coming.

I spent this afternoon with my friend Margo. I've known Margo since 1st grade I think, and we were close friends through middle school and high school. We haven't been great about keeping in touch the past couple of years, so it was great to find out what she'd been up to and what is going on in her life. I think we'll do better about staying in touch now.

Well, I'm back at my dad's and I think this place makes me an insomniac. It's almost 4 in the morning here and I'm still up. I should really try to sleep so I'm not a bitch tomorrow.

Just two days before I'm back in Eau Claire. Yipee!

So, Ez's computer likes to decide when I will be on the internet. It doesn't seem to like me very much. Whoops. Anyway, the conference is over and I can finally get some sleep. The trip into the city from Flushing really took its toll on me. It was worth it since I got to hear a lot of great music. Saturday night Chick Corea played with Eddie Gomez and Jack DeJohnette. It was amazing! After 3 shitty tunes by the North Texas One O'Clock band, Chick then played with the Trondheim Jazz Orchestra from Norway. They were really great too.

Tonight is Ez's 27th birthday party thing. We're leaving in an hour or so to head on down to the village to get some beers. It should be fun. I just hope I don't have to get up too early to meet my cousin in Manhattan. We're going to hang out until I meet up with Benny.

Well, I guess there's nothing too exciting. I did play TMBG's "Older" for Ez today and that was funny.

I'll be back in EC soon. I'm so looking forward to seeing everyone.

Take care

Wow. This conference has been CRAZY! I've seen some great music and seen some amazing people, but I'm not going to be too upset when this whole thing is over. It's tough staying all the way out in Flushing too. It takes between an hour and a half to get here, so a lot of time is spent traveling.

Tomorrow I plan to do nothing. Ez has Netflix, so we're just going to sit around and watch some Mr. Show. It will be a nice change of pace.

Benny and I are going to get dinner on Tuesday. I'm really looking forward to that. We haven't seen each other since March and then we had a bit of a fight. I'm pretty sure everything will be relaxed this trip. We've spoken on the phone and everything seems cool. I've actually really missed him. He has meant so much to me. I don't know if it's just the whole first love thing or what.

Anyway, Maria Schneider just signed my CD. It even seemed like she remembered me. I wanted to ask her if she got the Christmas Card, but I didn't.

Well, I should go. I'm using a public computer thingy and someone is probably pissed that I'm taking so long.

I can't wait to be back in Eau Claire, even if it's just for a couple of weeks. I've been having cheap beer withdrawals!

I hope everybody is doing well. I love you guys!

I'm sitting in the Queens College music library right now. It's pretty nice. Ez has dial-up internet so it takes a Nam and a half for anything to load, so I don't think I'll be on the computer that much this week. My trip into New York went fine albeit long. I had to fly into Long Island and then take a train into Manhattan where Ez met me. We then had some dinner then rode all the way back to Flushing. Whew! What a trip.

Everything has been nice so far. I feel more at home in New York now than I did in Portland. Today we're going into the city for the first day of the IAJE conference. Nothing is really happening until the concerts tonight. I get to see Maria Schneider tonight!!!! Her band doesn't go on until 12:30 am, but I'm super excited. I dream of one day playing in her band. Hopefully I'll get to meet her too. We've emailed a fair amount, so maybe she'll remember me.

Okay, Ez is wanting to leave, so I should go. Maybe I'll get a chance to update while I'm here, if not, when I get back to P-town. I hope everyone is doing well.

I miss you and love you all!

Heather

I've been lying in my bed for the past two hours trying to sleep with no avail. I know I have to get up in 4 hours, but my body isn't listening to me; I'm gonna pay tomorrow. I suppose I can't sleep 'cause I have too much stuff on my mind. It ranges from finding a storage unit in Eau Claire, to my grandma's health, to how sweet the electric blanket on the bed is. I became a little disturbed when I began thinking about this blog and my stupid little profile. I realized that I didn't mention my trombone. One year ago I probably couldn't speak a sentence without spouting off something about my horn, but now I don't even think about it that much. That's not to say that I haven't spent plenty of trombone choir rehearsals in tears or that I don't want to play anymore, it's just that the trombone isn't so much a part of my life anymore. It's actually pretty scary. If I hadn't hurt my arm, this break would have been filled with long tones, orchestral excerpts, and Aebersolds, but instead I've just been sitting on my ass depressed.

I wonder if I'll really be able to play again like I used to. I wonder if I need to find something else to do with my life and if I could be happy doing anything else. I guess, just like with everything else, time will tell. Will I come back to Eau Claire with my trombone on my back ready to take the place over, or will I have turned into someone else? I don't know.

Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep now before the 12 hours of traveling ahead of me. Wish me luck.

I just got back from a walk. I had to get some cash out for New York and then I had to take some books and cds back to the library. I went to the St. Johns library close to my grandparent's house and it brought back a lot of memories from my childhood. My mom used to take my sister and I there at least once every couple of weeks when we lived out here. When I was about 4 years old I went to the library with our neighbors/best friends while my mom was cleaning my grandparent's house. My friend Celia and I went outside to twirl on the railings. Somehow I managed to flip around, fall, and smash my face into the brick wall below. My nose swelled up so big! The current size of my nose is attributed to that accident 18 years ago; I don't ever think it got back down to normal. Anyway, I just remembered that and it made me happy!

Oh, I forgot something exciting. Yesterday when shopping, Alicia, her mom, and I all found the same bra at the big Victoria's Secret sale, different sizes mind you. I must say that this bra is fabulous! Alicia and I thought about taking a picture in our new blue bras for facebook, but then decided against it. It's probably better that way. I guess all I'm saying is that it's great. And yes, Dave. I AM wearing a bra!

Finally at my grandma's! I think I'm going to be a lot more comfortable here, even though it's just for 2 nights. My dad and I had a talk yesterday, which was nice, but nothing really got resolved. I've just decided that any future trips home will be just for a few days, or I'll move around a bunch.

Anyway. . .I had a nice day with Alicia and her family yesterday. While we were shopping her dad called and asked to talk to me. He told me that I could stay with them any time I wanted and for as long as I needed. He said I was welcome in their home anytime. It felt great to hear that. The McIntires are a great family.

My grandma and grandpa's place is cool. My grandpa listens to cool old music, they have cable internet, and there is always something good to eat. Plus they're pretty close to a library, so I think I'll head over there sometime tomorrow.

Nothing too exciting I guess. The drama has subsided for the time being (thank god). I'm looking forward to going to New York and seeing the Jazz I guys there. It will be nice to see Ez too; we always have fun together.

I suppose I'll write later.

I woke up before 6 this morning. Six!! The only time I am up at six is when I haven't been to bed yet. Oh well, I had to get up kinda early anyway. Today I am going shopping with Alicia and her mom and grandma. It should be really nice. I feel more like a part of their family than I do mine right now. My sister has been great lately. I stayed with her last night and I'll probably stay with her when I get back from New York.

My grandma called me last night at nine (which is past her bedtime) and told me that I was going to stay with her the next couple of days. She said my grandpa would even take me to the airport early Monday morning. My mom said my grandma has been frustrated for quite a while with how my dad has been treating my sister and I. My grandma is pretty much the coolest person I know.

So I pretty much got kicked out last night. My dad already told me that I was too loud at night (by-the-way, I've never tried harder to be silent) and last night he came downstairs to get me to shut up. I was on the phone with Alicia, but I was keeping it down. He started getting on me about not respecting that he and Tammy had to get up so early and anyway it turned into a big crying fest. I was upset and told him that I haven't felt welcome or wanted here since I got home. All I was looking for was a place to stay for the couple of weeks that I am in town. He was crying 'cause he felt really bad and was blaming everything that has gone wrong in our family's lives on him (which is not true). Alicia ended up coming over and rescuing me. I stayed the night over at her house and now I'm in the process of packing up my shit to go over to my sister's apartment.

This winter break has sucked. Now I don't know if I'll ever come back for Christmas. I'm sure I could handle it for a couple of days, but it's obvious that I wear out my welcome really fast.

I stayed up until 10 or so this morning. I've got to get my body back on a normal person schedule. I like being nocturnal, but it's starting to cause some problems. Apparently my stepmom can't sleep with me around. My dad had to talk to me about it. I asked my sister if I could stay with her and she said I could, so maybe I'll crash there tomorrow. Ever since I got here I haven't felt wanted. It's like I've been a big hassle to have around. Gee thanks, I've been away since August and I'm just looking for a place to crash for a couple of weeks. What's the big deal?

I'm going to try to start looking up the next couple of weeks. I've been pretty down and my dad has really started to notice. Everything will be great in New York. If I can just hold on 'til then. . .

Yep, still up.

It looks like it's going to be another late night. I can't ever fall asleep and there isn't anything to do. Plus I have to be quiet since my stepmom is a light sleeper. Maybe I'll see if I can stay over at my sister's place tomorrow.

I'm listening to Nat King Cole. He's totally underrated as a pianist. I like him best when he's playing with his trio, but on this CD he is singing in a variety of settings. It's inspired me to do some big band arranging so maybe I can sing with the band next year. I was supposed to sing at the Salute concert this October, but my trip to New York got in the way. Oh well. Maybe when I'm gone I'll practice a lot and get really good.

My mom may have found me a full-time job in Boise. I would be a cashier at some rock place. And by rock I mean stone, gravel, etc. It wouldn't be glamorous, but hey it pays.

I'm probably going to be selling some of my shit before I move. If anyone needs a futon let me know.

Well, I'm going to try to find some other silent activity to help me waste the hours.

I just cut a nam and a half off of my sister's hair. It was harrible!! Some chick going to cosmotology school decided to fuck up Katie's head and then it was my duty, as the loving older sister, to fix it. I must say. . .I am amazing! You're welcome Katie.

Miss you all.

Love,
h

Watched 40-Year Old Virgin again today. It was funny, but not as funny as the first time. The version I saw was the unrated version, so I saw a lot more boobies than before. Yay boobies!

I got up at the crack of dawn (after falling asleep at 4:30 or so) to have breakfast with my boss and some friends. Breakfast was great. We always clear out the room when we're all together 'cause we're so loud. I laugh so much with those guys.

After breakfast I went over to Alicia's house. We are an exciting bunch! We did two 300 piece puzzles, watched 2 hours of plastic surgeries gone awry, then the movie. I just like being over at her house. Her parents are great and they love having me there. It's a lot more comfortable being over there than here at my dad's house.

Well, I think I'm going to go make a cup of coffee. Normally I make a whole pot and drink it all myself, but since it's getting late I'll refrain.

I hope everybody is doing well. I miss you all.

Yesterday I went to one of my favorite places. . .the big Central Library downtown. I know that is totally nerdy, but I've come to accept my nerdiness. I got some scores and music that I can play on the piano here at my dad's. It's so nice to have a decent piano around. We got the piano when I was 5 so I could start piano lessons. It just feels like home when I play it.

I also got a few CDs. I haven't listened to a lot of them yet because I've been playing one nonstop. It's a CD by the Brazilian singer Rosa Passos. All but one song is in Portuguese, so I don't know what she's saying, but it is beautiful. I'm definitely going to check out more of her stuff when I get the money.

When I was leaving the library I ran into some younger friends of mine from high school. It was fun to see them, they seemed very excited to see me. They gave me a ride back and we stopped at our band teacher's house. He is one of my favorite people, so it was nice to see him.

I should head downstairs and see my parents. My dad just came up a bit ago to see if I was alright. Apparently I'm a cause for concern.

Everything is okay I guess. Happy New Year everybody.

Love,
Heather