Friday, March 31, 2006

I should be sleeping. I wish I was sleeping. Grrrr. I have to get up in 5 hours or so. I suppose not going to sleep makes work seem farther away. It's not like I dislike work, it's just that I'd rather be doing something else.

I miss my friends. Boise is nice and all, but I don't have anyone here but my mom.

Mark's blog really made me think about some things. Who am I kidding trying to be a performance major. I know I'm not aiming for a job in a symphony, but do I really have what it takes to have a career in music? I guess time will tell. If my arm doesn't heal up then that question is pretty much answered for me.

I was sad to hear about the guys getting their horns stolen. I had a euphonium stolen a couple of years ago. That's why I'm so paranoid about leaving things out. The euphonium was sitting in the hall for less than 5 minutes. You never know when an asshole might stroll through the music department looking for some quick cash. Don't be too trusting guys; it's not worth it.

Well, maybe I'll try to squeeze some sleeping in before dawn. I should get off this thing before I get too depressed. I'll pull out of it; I'm just feeling kinda down today.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather,
I hope you got some sleep. You're an amazingly musical person. You're doing all the right things. Keep at it and you'll be fine. Everyone struggles, but you will do what you love and make a living at it eventually.

I read Mark's blog, and he's definitely right about one thing: "fuck it." When I was in college - especially when I was in college - it was really easy to get caught up in what other people were or weren't doing and what they should or shouldn't be doing. I know when I spent time focusing on other people competitively, it came from my own weaknesses and insecurities. And when others vibed me and did nasty shit to me because of their musical "snobbery," it got me down a lot. In hindsight, I see it came from their own insecurities. And ultimately, I had to say "fuck it." I stopped caring about what others thought and focused on learning to make music. And that's when the music would get really good.

In college especially, it should really be about learning the craft, which you are doing. And you will be doing more when your arm has finished healing. The learning curve on this music stuff is different for everybody. I know people who stunk in college who kick ass now. And vice versa. I know I was pretty mediocre back then - and new stuff is still clicking for me all the time. And hopefully will keep on clicking until I die. You never know when it's all gonna start to click for you. You just trust that if you want it bad enough - which I know you do - then you stick with it until it does click.

I know that someday when you're playing in Maria's band, you'll think back on college as a place where you had fun getting your shit together and making good friends. And you'll be able to laugh at how you sounded in college the way you can laugh now about how you sounded in 8th grade.

Maybe I shouldn't post this. I hope you don't mind. I'm just saying stuff that I wish I'd heard more about when I was in college.

Love you.

2:37 PM

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